As I've said, there are myriad secrets to happiness and we'll never get to them all. With patience and time, we'll cover a good bit though.
This will be our first secret that is not purely physical. This doesn't mean that we're done with physical secrets by any means. Today, we'll look at an emotional secret.
Before I share this, I need to confess something. Just because I'm throwing these out here for us to read and contemplate and perhaps act upon, it does not mean that I am necessarily an expert at a particular secret. Case in point is this one:
Let it go
How often do we latch onto something, some perceived sleight, some recognized unfairness, or a witnessed pet peeve and we let it bring us down, anger us, or cause us to be mean-spirited?
Probably more than we would like to admit.
My personal examples (this list, sadly, is not exhaustive):
1) being tailgated on I-95. I find this to be a dangerous and unnecessary behavior. I know I should just let them pass, but, hey, I'm already speeding and moving over is only enabling them, right? I think I should just let it go.
2) dropping food. Ever since I can recall, when I drop food it sets off a TNT like explosion of expletives (even if I am not vocalizing them, they're there) and I am genuinely angry. It only lasts a minute or less and it happens so fast it feels instinctual. It isn't. I should just laugh it off. There are a couple of exceptions to this rule: a whole wedding cake, for instance.
3) my 13 year old's tone with her mother. She's growing up, she's feeling independent and smart. We're just silly adults who don't understand what it's like to be in middle school. I should calmly focus on being respectful and let the occasional lapses go. Just give her love.
4) the need to be liked. We all have it to some degree. I used to be much worse at this. Which, if you know me and how sarcastic and caustic I can be, you would think that it didn't matter much. But it does. I don't want to cause people to be unhappy and I want them to fairly evaluate me. But I forget that people have their own problems and foibles and I might not fit their preferences, no matter what. Just be authentic genuine self and let it go.
5) the need to be recognized as one of the best. Again, how ironic, because I am likely to give less than 100% when I am only mildly interested in the activity. Plus, if I don't have shot at being the best, I typically give it up. This blog is supposed to help me with this particular aspect of me. I'll never be the best blogger (and really, is there such a thing?) or the best writer. Sometimes, the act of doing is the important thing. Sometimes, appreciating and learning from others is the important things. Being the best should be personal. That is, be the best for you. Good things will come of that. Otherwise, let it go.
I'm stopping now or I'll be late for work. I don't want people to think I'm not punctual and I could get into my own personal NASCAR race during the commute and my teenager is looking for one of my neckties to wear for Spirit Week and, darnit it all to heck, I just dropped a piece of granola bar. Errrghh...breath...let it go.
Let us know what you would like to let go by posting in the comments.
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
The Secrets to Happiness: Secret #6
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4 comments:
I have to share that my youngest one day at dinner was playing with me by telling me how good his water was when he knew perfectly well that he had milk. He was going on and on about the great water. I asked him if he wanted more milk, he said "yes, more water, please." When I said "you mean milk, you know it's milk" he replied "mommy, I am pretendin'. Let it go." Nothing like a 2 year old reminding me to let it go...
That was too funny.
Where did he learn that phrase, I wonder?
I used to be bothered by tailgaters as well. Now I execute what I call a "slow pass" meaning that I pass the person in the right lane but at a pace more slowly than my tailgater would like. Then I signal to move right (count at least three blinks before starting to move into the lane, then I move into the lane VERY gradually).
This allows me to feel unhurried. I concentrate on breathing and relaxing, and I make it a reminder to myself to live life at a slower pace.
It also allows the Type A tailgater to wind himself up nicely and shoot like a rocket down the road once I am out of the way, where he can gain the notice of the state trooper sitting just over the next rise. The trooper will surely pass on the wisdom that it is not a good thing to be in such a hurry.
I hadn't thought about it much, but if I decide to let the tailgater pass, I do the same thing with regards to the turn signal.
There is a stretch of I-95 that I drive each day, where it breaks away from I-64. Most people are taking 64 west and only a handful of us continue on 95 north. The type A tailgaters typically take off like rockets the moment the traffic pressure is released. I, no matter what, move to the slow lane and drop to the speed limit. At least two days per week, the state police sit in a blind waiting for the rockets to go by. A lot of lessons on the dangers of hurried commuting are taught along that stretch.
Thanks for the comment.
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