I exploded and good and bad things happened

I violated my own personal parenting Second Law last night. I verbally exploded. It was pretty loud. I have a very strong voice and I used it.

On Monica. In front of everyone.

The cause was simple. I gave in to my frustration at how Monica was treating her brother. Gabe was also being a little punky, but I had calmly told him to cut it out and he appeared to be listening. Monica was taking a series of very small things and making it a much bigger deal. I observed and failed to suppress my anger at the behavior. Just like Monica was failing to suppress her dislike of Gabe's actions.

Only because I am the responsible adult, there was no one to explode on me and tell me to shut up. No one spoke. My tirade lasted for a minute or less, but I am sure it seemed longer for Monica. She teared up. I seethed for a good five minutes after the explosion.

We quietly ate dinner. After that, I apologized to Monica. Then we went upstairs and talked. She told me that she had been hungry and tired and her grumpiness was being taken out on Gabe. They had spent the whole afternoon seeing a production of Oliver and only had a few snacks during intermission. Monica needs food at she enters the "bottomless pit" stage of puberty.

I explained my frustration at her nearly constant negative treatment of her brother--which I suppose is somewhat normal(?)--and the fact that I let her room remain a shambles while she uses IM, texting and telephones to stay constantly connected to her middle school social network. Monica is also afraid to let go of stuff. She sees keeping everything as no big deal.

Part of my explosion included stating baldly that we would be moving, but not until the house was emptied of non-essentials. I was not moving to a larger house just to have a place to put everything. And we were not going to fill a larger home with stuff either. They would be allowed to mourn the loss of their junk but they would not be allowed to refuse to let it go.

It was an impassioned speech to say the least, but delivered too loudly. The message was received though. I believe that everyone took it seriously.

So the bad thing that happened was a I lost it. This is something that I would not tolerate in my children, yet I displayed the behavior not just in front of them, but at them. This double standard is unacceptable at their age. I should have thought of a better way. Like very serious, very calm talk.

What good came of it? Well, I did apologize, which demonstrated better behavior and showed that I do respect them as individuals. The kids realize that I care about their treatment of each other. They know that the state of their personal spaces is a major concern.

Also, and I don't mean this flippantly or facetiously, I did dissipate a lot of negative energy. Unfortunately, in front of them. On the plus or minus side, depending on your perspective, my voice is quite gravelly and soft this morning as my vocal cords recover. Yeah, I was that loud.

Geez, what a bad weekend for humility, tact, and friendliness. I'm human. It's the attempts that count. If I keep trying then at some point, it'll be second nature. I'm not there yet.

If you care to hear admissions (confessions?) of foolish behavior on occasion then I encourage you to consider subscribing to the Happiness Notebook. It's free and easy, just click on the link.

If you want to berate me, offer advice or sympathy, leave words of encouragement for Monica, or confess to your own similar behavior, leave me a comment or send me an email.