Secrets to Happiness: Secret #12

(Image from 3datelier.com)

Well, the not-so-secret Secret #11 was all about taking a nonjudgmental evaluation of your feelings or mood. Good or bad, we are supposed to take time out from our day--minute or seconds--and honestly name our feelings.

Example: I am feeling restless, bored, yet oddly energetic and optimistic.

So, now that we've given words to our emotions, we're ready for the next secret:

Analyze your mood

That is, ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Once again, you'll need to put on your observer hat. You'll need to be tough and open and honest and non-judgmental with yourself.

Now, if you're feeling good, this probably isn't a big deal. Say you had a great lunch conversation where everyone was laughing and having a fun time...you're sitting there feeling happy and relaxed. Could it be because you enjoyed your lunch time? You have super friends. You felt at ease with them and all that laughing seem to dissipate your stress. Easy analysis there.

(If you said you were happy because some self-serving jerk got his comeuppance, then, while you might feel pretty good, you probably should do some serious thinking on why you do.)

When we feel sad, angry, lonely, or stressed, that's a different story. Here is an opportunity to learn a little about ourselves. The tough part here is determining the actual cause of your feelings from the possible perceived causes.

For example, if our pet rat had died this week, Monica would be justifiably sad. We all would be. That's natural and it wouldn't take much to figure it out. But what if Monica were sad because a friend hung up on her while they were talking on the phone? What if she felt anger at her friend for such rude behavior?

But what if it was a case of just being disconnected? Maybe the battery died on her friend's phone. Maybe the friend's parent hung up the phone because they had told her to hang up earlier. Why would we jump to the conclusion that rude behavior occurred if there didn't seem to be a reason for it?

Another example: What if you're stressed because you promised to have some work done by a certain time and it looks like that won't happen? You don't want to be a failure. You don't want people to think poorly of you. You're so stupid. You could've stayed late the last two nights to make sure this was completed. You could have foreseen the delays. You know you're boss will be upset. You might not get a good review and a decent raise. This failure is going to haunt you for a long time. Why did you promise it would be done by that time?

Ahem...your stress, in this case, is probably all generated in your head. Unless people are losing there jobs regularly over this sort of event, you're blowing this way out of proportion and you're unduly beating yourself up over it. If people are losing their jobs because of this sort of thing, then you might think about a new place to work anyway. Doesn't sound healthy.

If you analyze your mood, you'll discover that you are probably dreading accepting the responsibility for the delay. You're fearing that you won't be understood when you explain the delay and your plan to complete the work. You're assuming that you will be judged solely on this one incident and that it will override all consideration for all of the great work you do. In other words, you really are being pretty foolish, only about how you are perceiving the situation and how you are letting it affect your mood.

It's tough to sort through our negative emotions and figure out why we are having them. I found a site that provides a list of the top ten "thought distortions" that will help you see if the problem is with how you're thinking versus what actually happened.

I have irrational moods every day when I see my subscriber list either dwindle or remain static. Thanks to those that are current subscribers. Please consider subscribing to the Happiness Notebook. It's free and it'll make irrationally happy.