Toast, don't roast, yourself

There is something that I do a lot. I'm guessing that you do it too, to some extent. I'm talking about having a spontaneous memory. You're not sure what the trigger is, but it pops front and center into your mind.

And it isn't pleasant. In fact, it is usually a memory of when I was deeply embarrassed or exceptionally mean or when I made a foolish choice. These are memories of regrets. Reliving them can really rekindle all the same negative feelings. You think about how stupid you are and how you'll never be able to go back and change it. That mistake, that choice, that behavior is part of you now.

Well, I'm not going to tell you to forget that stuff and forgive yourself. We might get into such weighty subjects at some future date.

Instead I was thinking about our reaction when the opposite happens. I mean when the spontaneous memory is positive. The time you saved someone from hurting themselves or someone else. Or when you came through in the clutch in a game or at work. When you finished that art project. When you successfully installed that shower door. When you felt like a million dollars at that party. When the sunshine and children's giggles make you feel like life is a miracle and you are so glad to be a part of it.

I think these thoughts occur quite often throughout our days. But I don't think that we give them the importance that we give to the negative thoughts. We downplay our good deeds as if we shouldn't feel pride in ourselves. We downplay the good feelings because we think that should be the norm and only negative feelings are the exception.

Most of us are pretty stupid that way. Me included. Sometimes it seems that I would rather dwell and wallow in the bad, that I would rather be cynical and untrusting and doubtful. I don't even want to know why.

I want to focus on (and wallow in, I mean really soak in the hot tub of) good feelings. I would rather be optimistic, upbeat, trusting and hopeful. And when I have one of those spontaneous positive feelings, I'm going to hang on to it and consider it for as long as I can.

And I'm going to feel good about myself and what I can do. I'm going to toast myself and say, "Doug, you're a pretty good guy. I'm glad your here. Keep up the good work."

And as soon as I can get my shoulders loosened from the recent workout, I'm going to pat myself on the back.

Let me know how you would toast yourself. Don't worry about being ironic. Be as cheesy and as Pollyannish as you want. I won't make fun. Because I think you deserve it.