They're an extension of your body

That old pair of shoes that you wear whenever you can have adapted over the months (years?) to the shape of your feet, the weight of your body, the intricacies of your gait. They might as well be grafted on. No one else could possibly wear them. Of course, no one else could possibly want them.

We keep them because they are comfortable. We feel bouncy and alive in them. Our feet are warm and protected. We trust these shoes of ours.

Most of us cannot wear shoes such as these to work or even out socially. But on those occasions when it is remotely acceptable, they are on our feet. We love our old comfy shoes.

We loathe the idea of breaking in a new pair, conveniently forgetting that even these beloved old ones were once the upstart shoes fresh from the box, crammed with paper, and needing lacing.

My solution: move the comfy shoes to chore duty. They won't be subjected to ridicule by those who would throw them out. They'll prove their worth on the lawn of battle. After a year or so of service there, they can either be bronzed or tossed in the trash with an appropriate ceremony. I have an excellent copy of Taps, if you're interested. Those shoe bronzing places charge a lot more for adult sized shoes. Plus, my mantle can't hold anymore.

(the shoes above, belong to "heavylift" from flickr.)

Hair metal soap opera

One of my all time favorites, this song, Jelly Roll, by the trio, Blue Murder, is from their 1989 eponymous album (yes, I own it.)

Blue Murder was created from the dust up between guitarist John Sykes and the notorious ego, David Coverdale, the leader, creator, founder, and master of Whitesnake.

Sykes was better looking, could play guitar with the best of them, and could sing as well as Coverdale. Sykes co-wrote and played lead guitar on Whitesnakes big album in 1987 (yes, I own it.) The best album in the band's oeuvre. Still of the Night and Is This Love were co-written by Sykes and he turned on his guitar magic for a re-recording of an earlier tune, Here I Go Again. All of those songs are immensely enjoyable, but we really should be talking Blue Murder here.

Sykes was fired from Whitesnake for being a bit too successful. The tallest blade of grass, you know.

The record label set him up with Carmen Appice on drums and Tony Franklin on bass. The trio released their first and best album in 1989. Jelly Roll is the catchiest tune and my personal favorite.

The video reflects yet more of the narcisstic excesses of the '80s as Sykes proves that long hair in the rain on a man never looks like anything other than a dead marsupial. Women who don dress shirts over lingerie while wearing engineer boots aren't making enough appearances on television these days. I'm going to write the producers of Lost and see if that can't be worked in Season 4.

Tomorrow will be a nice day for a coaster ride

Tomorrow. Busch Gardens, Williamsburg, Virginia. Company picnic. Rollercoasters.

In order of "excitement" from fine to great:

1) Big Bad Wolf - suspended cars, meant to simulate a bat flying around a German village, reaches maybe 45 mph, and has an 80' drop from 100' up just over the river, great starter for the kids

2) Alpengeist - suspended chairs with shoulder restraints (your feet dangle,) has a 170' drop from 195' height and includes many rolls and loops. Exciting yet oddly relaxing, one of most imposing rides that is really a big graceful ride that just happens to turn you upside down a few times. Great for the reluctant adult.

3) Loch Ness Monster - a granddaddy steel coaster that has been around since the 70s. Drops 114' from 130' up, has two loops (very exciting and innovative for 1978), reaches 60 mph and is 55 degrees at its steepest point. Still a fun coaster. Has good, though short, thrills on the drops. The best thing about the ride is how they've fitted this into the park. It loops and glides over the boardwalk at the bottom of the ravine that splits the park (where the river is.) In fact, they've designed this so that some part of each coaster at the park passes over the river.

4) Apollo's Chariot - this is still the best coaster I have ridden, but then, I've never been to Cedar Point and taken on some of those monsters there. This coaster climbs 170' in the air, but thanks to a terrain change, it plunges 210' at 65 degrees reaching about 73 mph. That is the first of nine drops. The next three are 131', 144', and 102' respectively. There's another 87' drop later just for giggles. The seats are designed with no restraints other than a heavy restraint on your legs. You catch significant zero-g air on every drop. This coaster matches its name. It is a great ride and I am not always in the mood for it.

There is one coaster, pictured above, that I haven't ridden yet. Tomorrow is the big day for that. It is the Griffon, sister of the SheiKra at Busch Gardens Tampa. The Griffon is the highest floorless drop coaster on the planet. A 205' plunge, straight down. 90 degrees. No floor. This should feel like flying. There's a second 90 degree drop at 130'. But by then it won't matter. Sure, it'll flip us upside down, but it is that first plunge that I'm anticipating.

(Side note: Another great coaster experience is the Borg Assimilator at Carowinds in North Carolina (used to be the Stealth at Great America.) It's a flying coaster. Check it out. I've experienced nothing like it.)

Let me know your favorite coasters in the comments section. Any ACE members out there?

The Secrets to Happiness: Secret #1

We here at the Happiness Notebook try to keep the sarcasm limited because we are prone to exceed safe limits. We have been accused of being downright caustic and this is not conducive to happiness in general.

So what is the deal with the sarcastic title of this post? Well, it is true that we deplore such crude methods for selling books and programs, but we assume that the method is used because it is effective. So, we made the decision to start a new irregular feature known as The Secrets to Happiness.

The best part, though, is that these secrets are completely FREE. The downside is, well, they're not so secret. This is stuff you already know. I'll demonstrate with the first secret.

Drink plenty of water.

How much? It depends. Minimum seems to be 8 or 9 glasses a day, assuming an 8 oz glass. Our bodies are well over 50% water and we lose the fluid everyday in our trips to the bathroom and by simply breathing. If it's hot outside or we're exerting ourselves then we lose water through perspiration. The bigger we are, the more we need, too.

It won't make us fat, either. It is the true zero calories diet drink. If anything drinking water helps keep our metabolism up. When we start dehydrating our body slows down to preserve water.

The biggest reason I can think of for drinking lots of water is the way it makes me feel. When I am hydrated, I don't have headaches or bodyaches. I think more clearly, my memory is better, and I feel more creative. I always have a glass of water next to me when I am writing.

I know that city water and some well can really taste bad, like drinking from a swimming pool or a swamp. And I know that bottled water is ridiculously expensive. We use filters. Whether it is a filter in a pitcher that we refill or an inline filter on the tap or the supply line, it makes the water taste so much better.

Read this article from the CNN/Health library for more info.

And for those of you who want to take your water love beyond survival and happiness, there is a connoiseur's site that you should enjoy perusing.

So, our first secret has been revealed. Not quite the revelation you were hoping for, I understand. But water is pretty important. There is no happily ever after without it.

Next up: the importance of air. I don't want to give too much away, though, or you won't come back.

My Wedding March

It's true. Jocelyn and the Happy Guy walked down the aisle to this song way back in 1992. We didn't walk down the aisle actually. We walked in from different sides of a garden at a B&B in West Seattle. Our guests weren't really surprised at the musical choices. At least not the ones that knew me.

This is Joe Satriani, guitar virtuoso, and the song is Always with Me, Always with You, from the album, Surfing with the Alien in 1987 (yes, I own it.)

Regarding the video? What's up with the windstorm? Were they wearing invisible goggles? I don't know. The violence of the wind is a bit distracting considering the tune's tempo. It's got to be dry ice or they would all be blinded.

They're wearing dusters. I own not one, but two dusters. Dusters were (and I believe still are) the height of cool. I might make that my photo. You always feel good in a duster, well, except in sweltering heat. It needs to be calf length. Knee length looks like an ill-fitting rain coat.

Every man looks good in a duster. Especially if you add a fedora.

Obliterating the line between artist and us

While browsing the newstand at a Border's last year, I spotted this cover. An art magazine with a modest $10 price tag. A cover of crayon colored war drawings. I had to have it.

Esopus requires an adjustment to your notions of a magazine. No ads grace its pages. Not everything in it qualifies as a page for that matter. Whether it is translucent waxy images, or tear outs to make your own stellated polyhedra, handwritten letters and notebook pages, this periodical tosses tradition. Each issue has a full length CD with music inspired by stories, suggestions, ideas from the readers (based on prompts from the editor.)

This is about art, the process of artistic creation, and blurring the boundary "between artist and public."

The following is a statement from the editor, Tod Lippy, of Esopus magazine.

Esopus is a twice-yearly arts magazine featuring fresh, unmediated perspectives on contemporary culture from a wide range of creative professionals. It includes artists’ projects, critical writing, fiction, poetry, visual essays, interviews, and, in each issue, a themed CD of new music.

The 9th issue will hit the newstands (and my mailbox) sometime in October. Early issues are sold out and very hard to obtain.

Lippy has stated that this unique magazine costs far more than the $10 price to create and distribute. The Esopus Foundation, Lippy's non-profit, accepts donations to help offset the costs. The website features tidbits from each issue, including audio clips from the each CD.

Check it out this month. Subscribe, donate. If you are a collector, be sure to buy two issues so that you can tear into one of them and keep the other pristine. If you aren't then just go for it and enjoy.

If this doesn't help your creativity, make you appreciate different perspectives, or absorb your blithely imaginative mind for hours and hours, then you have probably accidentally picked up a copy of The Nation or the National Review.

Junk drawer taxonomy

You've got one. Maybe more than one. Any drawer can become the designated disorganized storage space for stuff we might need someday.

I am about to set to the task of cleaning one (and only one at this time) junk drawer. But which one?

And don't worry, I am not going to catalog the contents...this is supposed to be the Happiness Notebook, not the Narcissist Times-Dispatch.

You might ask why cover this topic? Well, there is something oddly liberating about cleaning out and organizing a junk drawer. I think that if I do one at a time, every week or so, then I'll feel freer than ever when I am done. Yeah, I have more than one junk drawer.

But what I call a junk drawer might not be what you thought of as a junk drawer. My definition is broad, but reasonable. Junk drawers can be found anywhere there are drawers in a home, office, shop, anywhere. Let's look at the most common types. The contents listed are not mine (I'm not getting up right now to look, trust me) and the lists are not meant to be exhaustive. Your contents will vary.

A) The Kitchen Krate: perhaps found in every home in the United States, this drawer usually contains odd utensils, rubber bands, metal or plastic garbage ties, assorted batteries, scissors, a variety of corks (one might have an ice pick or awl stuck in it,) tiny flashlight, books of matches, a stray candle or two, toothpicks, those corn cob holder things with the double sharp points, and wrapped plastic straws (with a crazy straw or two, also.)

B) The Desk Depository: found in home and office desks, this drawer is filled with stuff we have purchased at office supply stores or taken from the company's supply cabinet. They typically hold staples, paper clips, scissors, rubber bands, more than one of those biting staple removers, binder clips that are too small or too large to use, various sizes of post-it notepads, a ruler (when have you ever needed a ruler at work?), business cards from forgotten acquaintances, your own business cards with a previous job title or phone number, push pins, expired lunch coupons, pens and pencils and highlighters, a laminated info card that you've never used, and your security badge that you thought you had lost and had replaced.

C) The Toolbox Tomb: located in workshops, sheds, or garages, this can be a traditional drawer in a workbench cabinet or an entire toolbox depending on the situation. These generally store stray nuts, bolts and screws that you will never use but can't bring yourself to part with because they are in perfectly good condition and you might have a need to bolt two things together and you wouldn't have to go to the store to buy this stuff because you have these on hand, a set of allen wrenches of every conceivable size, those Torx screwdrivers that can only be used to open electronics that you really have no business opening, a wire brush for cleaning car battery posts, sockets (all of them, except for the 9/16",) two rolls of that white plumbers tape, the awl stuck in a cork which you thought you kept in the kitchen, and a used sheet of folded up 120 grit sandpaper.

D) The Sidetable Storehouse: this is the drawer located in nightstands or small living room tables. Sadly, even some dining room tables feature this type of drawer, which I think is intended for placemats and napkin rings, but winds up housing your incense stick holder, a couple of Target receipts and your pre-teen's collection of D&D dice. The other versions are loaded with the forgotten important things in our lives, like the cell phone you purchased in 1994 for $1,200, the Pulitzer Prize winning paperback that you never read, and polaroid snapshots from a party that you don't recall despite the photographic evidence.

E) (last one, I promise) The Sock Drawer: located in a chest of drawers or a dresser, this is the drawer that contains far more socks than you will ever wear and many single socks that will never be reunited with their partners. How many athletic socks do you need? How many footies are too many? Do you still wear those leg warmers? Really? Socks with toes? What were you thinking when you bought the second pair of Christmas socks? Sock with holes? Gray socks that used to be black? Let's put a limit on socks. No more than eight pairs of white athletic socks, two pairs of winter wool socks, and dress socks must go with at least one pair of pants that you normally wear. (Ladies, please adjust those comments to match your needs.)

Let me know what's in your junk drawer(s) by leaving a comment. I'm off to organize my sock drawer now.

POTUS - Pears of the United States

At least one of these varieties is available at any given time of the year. My favorite is the yellow Bartlett back in the back there. Though any of them are good when they're ripe.

Juicy and sweet, pears might be the perfect fresh fruit snack. When they're ripe, they're soft and easy to bite, unlike an apple. (I've seen serious gum injuries caused by tough apples. Well, not serious, but they looked painful.)

I like grapes and cherries, too, but I don't care to pluck or deal with pits while I'm driving. And bananas have to be peeled. So do citrus fruits. Plums and peaches don't have the structural integrity required for safe driving; they tend to release their juices a bit too freely and there's nothing inedible to hold on to when you reach the end.

Pears don't have these problems. The perfect snack when you don't want to have to focus on the fruit.

Let me see what I have in my snack bag today. Ah, a Red Delicious apple. Oh, well. That'll work. I'll go grab some gauze pads, just in case.

(Photo is courtesy of USA Pears.)

There are no mistakes, only happy accidents

The master of the 28 minute landscape is Bob Ross. He painted himself into our lives via his PBS TV show, The Joy of Painting.

Bob usually started with a blank canvas; sometimes he had prepped it with a color wash, usually for night scenes. After a quick review of the colors he had on his palette, he would grab a brush, mix a little paint and have at it.

He used a two inch brush to cover large areas quickly. Thin brushes were used for trees and fan brushes made leaves, branches and shrubs. He made water appear out of nowhere by pulling down a reflection and brushing side to side to make it fuzzy.

My favorite part was when he used his paint knife. He would put a bit of paint (usually white or a lighter blend) on the knife edge and scrape it into the canvas. That scraping sound, combined with his mellifluous voice would send me into a vegetative trance.

He told stories about squirrels in his yard or people in his life. He cleaned his brushes and used the easel leg to beat the two inch brush dry. If you watched the show, you know the rapid thump thump thump of the two inch brush.

Bob was always encouraging. He would explain what not to do as far as technique, but he would never question where you placed a tree or a bush, or how much ice you put on a path or a branch. The title of this post is his admonishment for the frustrated painter. A mistake was something to build on and potentially create something you hadn't imagined.

Bob died a few years ago, but he has left us a legacy of videos and books on how to enjoy painting without being an "artist".

His good nature and gentle humor aren't for every taste. Experienced painters tend to scoff at his methods. But there is no doubt that we're all a little more peaceful, a little more content, and a little bit happier having had Bob in our lives.

I think I'm going to go turn down the lights and watch an episode so I can enter that tingly meditative state. When he says "Van Dyke Brown and a little Phthalo Blue and just a little dab of Titanium White," I'll be motionless. When the scraping of the knife and the thumping of the brushes commence, my resting heart rate will drop below 50 bpm.

But I'll wake up rested and content (and maybe a little forlorn) when he wiggles his fingers over his paint brush at the camera and he says, "Goodbye, and God bless, my friend."

Keeping warm

As the weather finally begins to turn cooler we tend to forget the horrid humidity of the summer and start wondering how we're going to stay warm.

I asked some friends to give me their notions of happiness and contentment. One said she believed that feeling warm and cozy was one of life's sublime pleasures.

Some of you like the cold. I don't know who you are, but logic says that someone out there must like it. People ski and skate and snowmobile. And that's all good, but at some point you have to come inside and dry off and warm up. Have some hot chocolate or coffee. Bundle up in a wool blanket with a pair of wool socks on your chilly feet. And sit down in front of a fire. A classic winter activity.

Because of the aesthetic value of a roaring fire in a brick or stone hearth, it scores higher on the happiness scale than sitting around a smelly kerosene space heater or leaning against one of those old metal water radiators. And those directional ceramic heaters--you know the ones, they singe your hair as you walk by them at Costco--are so hot that your wool blanket could catch fire. Not recommended for relaxation.

For your viewing and aural pleasure, the Happiness Notebook is providing the best virtual fire we could find on YouTube. You can't see the fireplace in this one, so I recommend you stack bricks around your monitor or your laptop for a more authentic feel. It also provides no heat, so, if you can fit it inside, microwave your monitor on high for one minute. For each inch in screen size above 15, add ten seconds. This should add the warm ambience that you're seeking.

Enjoy.

Time for more obscure hair metal

Only one album, no real hits, and a sound really like no other hair band. kingofthehill (all together, before the animated TV show) released an eponymous album in 1991 (yes, I own it.)

This is the video to one of the catchier tunes on the album, I Do U. Yep, the lead singer, Frankie, was and is a big Prince fan. Who would've guessed by looking at him?

Nothing like some narcissistic lyrics--"...you don't have to tell me that I drive you crazy, cause I know I do..." to keep the kids happy.

Add an anthemic "t-shirt slogan" chorus that even the hardest partying crowd can sing and you've got a hair metal winner. Hey, they've got saxophones! They've got muted trumpets!

They have a ferris wheel.

A 5th grader's limerick homework

My 10 year old and I did a little bonding over doggerel poetry yesterday. He had to write a limerick. I didn't write the limerick that follows, I only provided guidance on how to do it.

Limericks are supposed to be, but do not technically have to be, funny. Here is the thought process that we followed:

1) Pick a generic topic. He chose Star Wars.

2) Pick some thing, situation, person, etc from the generic topic. He chose Han Solo.

3) List out words that rhyme with one of the topic words. He listed, among many, "no go, Bobo, go go, hobo, so so, dodo, no no, polo, bolo"

4) This is the critical step, because you should always end on the joke. Pick the rhyming word that will contain the potential punchline. We narrowed it down to "dodo" and "Bobo".

5) Write the last line of the limerick. I'll hold off on telling you this until we show the limerick.

6) Write a simple two line couplet that logically leads to the last line. This is probably the toughest part of the process. Try to pick words that are easy to rhyme and keep that quick staccato feel to the reading.

7) Write the second line of the limerick that links the opening line to the remainder of the poem. Use rhyming words listed in Step 3 to trigger the imagination.

8) The first line is fairly straightforward: "There once was a ..." Though the choice of noun is important. My son made the call on this one immediately.

9) Final edits occur now. The polishing step. We didn't worry too much about the number of feet on each line. He made minor tweaks for readability.

The key is Step 4. Choosing the right punchline rhyme. He almost went with Bobo and built the rhyme around a simian replacement for Chewbacca. Instead he went with the one that gave him the biggest belly laugh. Remember, this is 10 year old humor. He liked the fact that the bird in question was flightless.

A Limerick

by Gabe (my son's name)

There once was a smuggler named Solo

The Empire said smuggling's a no-no.

So they called him a crook

And the Falcon they took

Now he pilots the Millenium Dodo.

The morning stretch and yawn

There are few physical activities in life that require so little preparation and commitment of time and energy for so big a payoff in relaxation and contentment than the morning full body stretch and yawn combination.

The yawn helps clear the head and stretch those face and neck muscles. The full body stretch loosens the spine and gets the blood circulating delivering precious oxygen to all those places that were neglected during the night. When you come out of the yawn and relax the tension of the stretch, you feel warm and content.

And, if there is a problem with this at all, this is where it is. We yawn and stretch as we're waking. Mammals do it (my dog, this squirrel) and babies do it. It appears to be a natural behavior. But what it seems to do is cause us to want to sleep just a little bit longer. Which I don't mind. It is just odd that an evolved behavior, while prepping us for the waking world, sets us up so naturally for just a snooze bar's period of additional sleep.

Maybe we should do like the animals and stand, shake, trot to the door and wait to be let outside for our morning routine. That would wake up most of us.