Happiness Notebook Mixtape Week 1

(Indigo Girls from pickettphoto.com)

After a week of vigorous debate on the selection and worth of each of our nominated songs, we have our first group of tunes to add to the Mixtape.

I've tried to add a 30 second excerpt of each tune. Just click on the song title to hear it. Beatles' songs are not available for preview.

Beatles - Here Comes the Sun (1969) (excerpts not available, you should already own Abbey Road anyway)

Katrina & the Waves - Walking on Sunshine (1983)

Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold (1998) or Sting - Fields of Gold (1993) (I included Sting's original version because I like it.)

Bob Marley & the Wailers - Three Little Birds (1977)

Indigo Girls - Closer to Fine (1989)

Get your happy thinking caps on. Tomorrow we'll solicit more nominees.

Launching Life Badges

I am nearly 44 years old. I am happy.

But I am restless.

Can you be happy and restless at the same time? Doesn't restlessness mean that something is missing? Wouldn't that indicate a state of unhappiness?

Not at all.

Happiness is the lens, the frame, the perspective. An unhappy person would feel restless and then despair about what to do to alleviate the unease. A happy person feels restless and leaps at the chance to do something about it. Restlessness is just a signal that it is time to do something. Happiness means you're capable of answering the challenge.

What does this have to do with Life Badges? What is a life badge?

A Life Badge is something I made up. It represents things that I will learn about or learn to do (or revisit from years ago.) To make it simple, I decided to base it upon the Boy Scouts of America merit badge program. This is not intended as disrespect to scouting.

I explain most everything in the introductory posts at my Life Badges blog where I will chronicle my quest to earn every badge from American Business to Woodwork.

Go check it out and let me know what you think.

Of light hair, 80s gymnastics, and Mrs. Gretzky

The 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles was the United States' time to shine. Because of our boycott of the 1980 Olympiad in Moscow, the Russians and the Eastern Bloc boycotted the LA Olympics in retaliation.

The US Men's Gymnastics team won quite a few medals that year including a team gold. But Mitch Gaylord stole the show with his perfect 10.0 on the horizontal bar. He didn't medal because he blew it in the compulsory round, but it set the stage for a few years of Gaylord celebrity.

In 1986, a movie was made about a young gymnast who injured himself with a radical move on the high bar and was battling to get back in the game. Along the way, boy meets girl, and so on. Not a great film, but it did feature Janet Jones, the future wife of hockey great Wayne Gretzky. She's sporting a rare female mullet. Well, it wasn't so rare in those days.

But what about the music? It's Andy Taylor. Not the sherriff, but the guitarist from Duran Duran and, later, the Power Station. Andy isn't really hair metal, but he had hard rock chops and looks. This is a pop tune, and like quality pop-metal, it uses crunchy guitar chords and a catchy chorus to keep the hands clapping. If it wasn't for Andy Taylor, Duran Duran would've sounded like every other New Wave act. He helped them become pop stars as much as Simon Le Bon.

The song is Take It Easy, from the American Anthem Original Soundtrack (1986) and yes, I once owned it...on a cassette way back in the late 80s. It has long since disappeared.

I started to go with another song today, but that song was somewhat melancholy and the gray dark rain continues and I thought that maybe I was responding to the weather. So, I chose a song that I know makes my toes tap and keeps me smiling. The fact that we get to witness bad acting at the very beginning makes it all the more charming.

Does anyone remember this movie? If I said Gaylord, Daggett, Vidmar, and Conner would it help you recall the '84 Olympics? What about the guy from China, Li Ning? He was the essence of cool athletic excellence. I think the rain is making me nostalgic.

Secrets to Happiness: Secret #8

I promised--promised!--that I would do a simpler secret this time. Well, it can be said that "keep your promises" will not be it today.

Over the last couple of days as the buildup in anticipation and workload for this weekend's kid Halloween party continues, tension has been mounting here in the Happy Family household.

Twice this week, my daughter forgot important things for school and I made the trek there as deliveryman. Both times I had to fight the resentment. I had to force down my measurement of her gratitude and her remorse for her failure to bring the stuff in the first place.

My son, struggling to finish month long homework assignments right before they're due, somehow makes me feel frustrated at him for not being better at time management. Then I blame my own parenting skills, thinking that I could have been sterner throughout the month about his schedule.

And, Jocelyn, is as excited as the kids about this party. She's been shopping, decorating, planning, stressing, obsessing, worrying, shopping and just making me wish that this was all over.

I was on the verge of having my own emotional explosion. Then I stopped, I slowed down and I regrouped. I let it go and I remembered the next secret:

Love them

I could throw Covey or Buscaglia quotes at you, but you don't need them. You know what I mean. Love them. Help them. Stop whining about your own problems or your interpretations of their problems.

I've been quietly asking Monica if everything is prepared for tomorrow. I did not demand "thank yous" or apologies for the mistakes during the week, though she did give them to me. Gabe finished his homework without any additional pressure from his parents. And I took the day off today to help Jocelyn prepare for the party.

I love my family. If they need me, I'll be there, no matter what.

The "them" doesn't have to be an immediate family. It could be friends, your employees or colleagues, people you take care of or people who take care of you, or everybody (if you aspire to be a saint.)

Can this unconditional love go too far? Is it possible to love that way if you aren't loved in return? That is, is unconditional love really for real?

(My name is Doug, but I am not Doug Savage. His hilarious Post-It note panels can be found here.)

The glory of autumn

Kentucky strikes again. (photo of KY by birdyboo on flickr)

I tried putting off a fall foliage post for as long as I could, but the impending Halloween party is cutting into our free time (more on this tomorrow.) Add the dreary misty rain and it looks like it could be another week before we can make a drive to the Blue Ridge.

Nature provides us with so much wonder and beauty. And when it harmonizes with man-made structures like the road and the white fence, even the power and telephone lines and poles, it creates a feeling of rapture, of gladness that we're alive and we're able to experience this.

Tack on a hot mug of apple cider and my cares and concerns are instantly gone.

These same colors are also found on my two acres, lining my driveway, dotting my yard. The peacefulness and joy are there then, but oh so mild. Because my Pavlovian reaction is to inwardly wince at the raking and leaf removal work that is coming soon.

For now, though, I'll enjoy the spectacle that is autumn.

Moody weather

I had forgotten just how much I allow weather to affect my mood.

The clouds turned gray and heavy and lowered themselves over central Virginia, blotting out the sunshine and driving everyone indoors. While only less than 2 inches of rain have fallen since then, it has become a gloomy, colorless place. Suddenly, it feels like January in Seattle.

I like rain. It feels cleansing. The sound of it on the roof and windows makes the world feel cozy.

But when it stops and we're left with thick dark clouds and a fine mist that might technically count as precipitation but falls so slowly that it might as well be called watery air. Everything feels damp and that cleansing sensation of the downpour is gone.

I have to adapt, somehow learn to like it. This morning, I made the decision to wear my gray hoodie to work. A bold move to be sure. But I feel better.

No one has said a thing. I think they all understand.

Do you let your moods change with the weather? Do you succumb to the blues when it is gray for days?

First slate of Mixtape Project tunes

We received a number of song recommendations for the first go round of the Happiness Mixtape Project. Here are the ones that we're condsidering this week:

Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles

Fields of Gold - Sting (Eva Cassidy's version was nominated, but you probably know Sting's original best)

Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls

Walking on Sunshine - Katrina & the Waves

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley & the Wailers

There were other recommendations, but these were the ones that could be tied to an artist easily enough. (Some of the nominees came courtesy of my Facebook post at The Happiness-Project group's site.

I think that these will probably all go in by silent acclamation. I'd prefer that folks weigh in how much they love these songs, or why they think they fall short. Either way is fine with me. We'll add the selections to the list on Saturday morning (right before field hockey.)

What do you think? I am asking for your judgments, so don't withhold them.

Innocent laughter, or the giggles

There are only a few sounds that can bring an immediate feeling of well-being to me, independent of my current situation. By that I mean that even if I am feeling blue or angry or even fear, these sounds can snap me out of it.

One of these sounds is the innocent laughter of a child. When a toddler or preschooler gets the giggles you are witnessing pure happiness. It is a real manifestation of joy.

Erin, the daughter of a friend, is giving us a giggle demonstration in the photo. She has an Ariel costume (the Little Mermaid from Disney, not the fairy from The Tempest) for Halloween. According to her mother, she loves donning the wig and having a little fun. That is a wig and not her natural hair. She put this thing on all by herself. Even I need help with wigs. But I have a gigantic head so it is more difficult for me.

My point, however, is that Erin epitomizes what is wonderful about childhood. We don't have to be self-conscious. We can have fun doing nearly anything. We can laugh and smile and show we're happy and never have to explain ourselves.

I miss being a kid. That could be why I laugh so much. But my laughter has lost its innocence. I try to find humor in situations, real or made up (maybe it's my sitcom training as a youth, even today when I see a M*A*S*H rerun, I can see my mannerisms as copies of Alan Alda's.)

I can't recall the last time I laughed for the sake of laughing. I can imagine that people would think I was crazy for doing so.

What gives you the giggles? Can you make them happen on your own?

What other sounds trigger a profound feeling of happiness and well-being for you?

Let me know in the comments or send me an email. And, if you like what you're reading, consider subscribing--links are on the right.

The ultimate sport coat

This is the perfect cool weather article of clothing for me. Cotton. Gray. No logo. Zippered front. Pockets. Hood.

This is my sport coat.

When you wear you're favorite article of clothing, you are calmer, you have an innate sense of inner peace. This is me, in my hoodie, on a fall day.

Hands are warm in the pockets. Ability to fling the hood up or down depending on the wind or precipitation. Not so bulky that it prevents playing a little football or basketball. Unzipping the front acts as an instant cooling mechanism.

Everyone should have a hoodie.

Disagree? Agree? Got a different article of cool weather clothing to offer up? Put it in the comments.

When I find out who did this

Some of this is true. Much of it is maybe true.

I apologize if you prefer a spontaneous journey verses a turn-by-turn map.

Despite this leak of some planned future posts, I can assure you that there will be plenty of other topics, ideas, situations, events, experiences, or whatever else taht is worthy of being noted in the Happiness Notebook.

They failed to mention in the article that the Secrets to Happiness and the Locks of Hair will continue to appear irregularly.

Plus, we have The Happiness Notebook Mixtape Project just getting underway. It isn't really popular yet (but nothing here is at this time.) I'm expecting a lot of input over time on this Project. It will continue to grow and evolve, even if I have to do it myself.

Something big will happen in the next week or so. I will finally post a profile photo, and, no, I will not be in costume. Maybe if you can see how harmless and happy I am, you'll feel more comfortable talking to me. I know it makes a difference when I am reading other blogs.

Despite all of my grandiose plans and spontaneous writing, I do encourage and welcome your thoughts and ideas on happiness in general or the topics I post. Use the comments. I allow anonymous comments, just know that I will delete those containing spam and vulgarity. You can always email me with your thoughts, too.

Thank you for reading.

My kids love to sing this song, especially the boy

He was singing it 15 years after it was released, but the meaning of this song spans generations.

This is from Extreme's eponymous debut in 1989 (yep, I own it.) The title of the song is Mutha (Don't Wanna Go to School Today) and it's featured prominently in the oft-repeated chorus.

The video lacks the pyrotechnic guitar solo by Nuno Bettancourt that opens the song on the album. That's too bad, because it would have been fun to see, but it really doesn't match the poppy sound of the song, so no harm.

The video is a bit silly, but they all are to some extent, especially from the days when hair ruled MTV. You'll notice that this video is supposed to be at a live show. It isn't. The track is straight from the album. Gary Cherone, the singer, misses numerous cues, there aren't any crowd noises, and the singalong chorus toward the end sounds like Miss Othmar's 3rd grade class and not a building full of young adults. Despite all of this, the song is fun (if a little clunky on the verses) because we all want to sing along with that catchy chorus.

"Mutha, don't want to go to work today, think I'd rather avoid the hectic fray..."

Stress relief and a clean floor

Whenever I am feeling stress, I act on it. I'm not one to wallow in worry. A problem exists, I need to take care of it. (To be fair, it takes a bit of a build up before I consider something a problem, but my procrastination habit will have to wait for another post.)

Sometimes the problem can't be solved right away. For example, we recently had an issue with the bank and our checking account. We uncovered the problem on a Saturday. The 800 customer service folks were no help (after 30 minutes of talk and wait time!) We had to wait for the bank branch to open on Monday.

Failing to follow my own secrets to happiness, I did not "let it go" at all. I stressed out. But I have a natural response to stress. I start cleaning. Simple stuff that won't get me in trouble with Jocelyn, of course. I unload and reload the dishwasher, I wipe down the counter, check the air filters, fluff the throw pillows, refold the lap blankets (yes, we use lap blankets), but all of this only takes a few minutes. I still need to physically vent.

So, I grab the Hoover (exact model shown here.) I vaccuum the two area rugs in the living room. Then I do the hardwoods. I move furniture around. Then I switch extensions and vacuum the runner on the stairs working from bottom to top. By the time I am done, the whole downstairs and the stairs are looking pretty good.

And by then, I'm usually feeling a bit better about the problem I'm trying to fix. If not, I grab the broom and dustpan.

Besides the pure catharsis of the activity, there is an inherent feeling of satisfaction with each push and pull of the vacuum. To see the carpet pile move in patterns, picking up little white dog hairs from the strangest places, to hear that familiar rattle as some unseen granule is picked up and bounced around by the brush roller, these are the simple pleasures brought by domestic engineering technology.

Though that Mr. Clean Magic Eraser thing is pretty cool, too.

The Secrets to Happiness: Secret #7

Talk about feeling guilty. This secret is one that I struggle with every single day. Even as I vow to try, I'll violate it within seconds because of my lack of emotional discipline. That was a fancy way of saying that I react before I think.

In keeping with the tradition of keeping these secret statements simple, here is Ol' #7 (there is a joke there for the spirit lovers) stated as succinctly as possible:

Withhold judgment

Why is that important? Why is that a secret to happiness?

Because in nearly every situation our opinions are irrelevant. There are exceptions and we'll cover those in a minute. This secret was almost "keep your mouth shut" but I felt that would have just been a mask for the real issue. Internalizing your feelings about how good or bad we think something is, isn't the problem. The problem is our obsessive need to judge in the first place.

Now, if we are having trouble keeping our thoughts away from judging, then a good first step would be just to keep quiet about it. The old adage "if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say it" covers this rule. But quietly harboring an internal dislike of something or person or situation isn't really happy behavior.

Let's restate: the problem is not whether we let the world know that we think a particular thing or event is good or bad, instead it is the fact that we evaluate everything in terms of whether we like or dislike it, about whether we think it is good or bad.

Of course, there are exceptions to this. We need to make ethical and legal judgments. We are not obligated to be passive on questions of right and wrong. And sometimes, our opinions are solicited. We are asked to name our favorites or least favorites. (Nothing says that we're required to answer these questions, though.)

To be sure, this is a tough one; well, at least for me it is. The next few secrets are going to be a little easier.

I would like to hear your opinions on this secret (oh, the irony!) You can agree, disagree, enhance or correct in the comments.

Don't forget to subscribe to this blog (if you are enjoying it...more irony!)

Help wanted: The Happiness Notebook Mixtape Project

I need your help.

We all have songs that make us feel good. We all know songs about happiness, contentment, celebration and relaxation.

So, let's catalogue them. Let's build a mixtape library of happiness. But I need your help or it will not work.

If you're like me, you probably are really knowledgeable on songs from a certain period, like, in my case, the 70s or the early 80s. This is a severe limitation when trying to build a happiness repertoire.

Another limitation is our personal preferences for musical styles. There are so many genres and sub-genres of music and most of them have possible works that we would include in the happiness category.

This cannot be a one person effort.

We need song nominations.

Here is how we'll handle it:

1) Each Sunday, I will post a solicitation for your nominations.
2) Let's set a personal limit of two nominations each week per person.
3) Nominations are made in the comments only. Emailing me will not make it a nomination.
4) Positive discussion on the merits of the nominations also takes place in the comments.
5) On Wednesday, I will post a slate of songs that up for inclusion in the Happiness Mixtape.
6) We vote, in the comments, on those we want to include. Voting will end on Friday.
7) On Saturday, I will post the latest additions. We'll keep a list on the right side of the blog.
8) This in no way, affects the irregular posting of hair metal videos. That is a separate effort that keeps me happy.
9) I'll act as the final arbiter. However, even if a song doesn't make it the first time around, it is still eligible to make it in subsequent voting. It just needs to be renominated and make the slate of potential entries.
10) Let's keep this light and fun. Also know, that if you don't participate, then the mixtape is going to be full of late 70s and early 80s pop rock songs...ahem.

My nominations will also appear in the comments.

Start nominating!

Swinging for fun and health

I started playing baseball when I was five years old. Maybe at some future date I'll wax nostalgic on my ten year Little League career.

I bring it up because I'm partial to this particular activity as a form of exercise and stress release. I'm talking batting cages and taking a little BP (batting practice for you novices.)

If you are a regular at the cages, you can either skip this post or add to it in the comments.

If you have never done this or even consider it, read on.

Most areas have at least one sports park with a mini-golf (putt-putt) course or a driving range with a set of batting cages. Some places even offer indoor cages for year round practice.

If you have a bat, great, bring it. If not, the cages have them. They'll also have helmets. If you have your own, fine, but do not go into a cage without one.

You usually have to buy tokens to operate the machines. So, get your tokens, a bat and a helmet that fits and pick out what type of pitching you want to face. Most places have slo-pitch softball, which is an excellent starting point for someone who hasn't done a lot of hitting. Some places have fast pitch softball, too, about 55 to 60 mph. The baseball cages usually run from 45 mph for the littlest little leaguers up to 90 mph for the advance hitter. These days, I'm pretty happy in the 60 to 65 mph cages.

You'll notice a lot, I mean a whole bunch of warning signs. Ostensibly these are for safety, but I would imagine that the business' concern for liability claims is significant. Not that you need to worry. The warnings are common sense stuff.

For example, don't take a practice swing outside of the cages. Yes, you could hit someone. Wear a helmet. While the balls they use are hard plastic, therefore a little softer than regular baseballs and softballs, if it hits you, it would hurt. No reason to fiddle around where your head is concerned.

Another popular sign is only one person to a cage. If you are with someone who is dying to coach you, have them do it before the pitching starts. Between regular pitches and you with a bat, well, there could be trauma.

You put your tokens in the machine, take your stance at the plate and the pitches will start. Machines usually have a light system to tell you when the pitch is about to happen. Ten second intervals is about right. That will seem like forever for the first three or four pitches, then as you fatigue from your ferocious swings, it'll seem like it's speeding up just to torture you.

If you haven't done this before or it's been awhile, you'll feel it later in your abdominals, especially the obliques, shoulders, and forearms. If you don't wear a batting glove you might get a small blister at the base of the thumb on your hand that is lowest on the bat.

Start slow. Only do one or two tokens worth. Bring a group. Make it fun.

I know I'm leaving something out of this. Help me out by leaving a comment. If you have other tips or suggestions, or you just want to warn everyone about gross helmets, go for it.

(photo by caural on flickr)