Happiness Notebook Mixtape Week 2

Another week down and another slate of songs to add to the Happiness Notebook Mixtape. Here they are:

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

December, 1963 (Oh What a Night) - Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons

Chelsea Morning - Joni Mitchell

As - Stevie Wonder

What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

That is a fine selection of happy tunes. Click on the titles to hear a 30 second clip.

Tomorrow, we'll be soliciting more songs. Think about the music that makes your toes tap or makes you smile or just makes you feel good. You don't have to be able to dance to it, though that is ok, you just need it to make you feel happy.

Do you like the list so far? What type of music is it missing?

The last camping trip of the season?

Ah, the rig. This is a photo of our first trip with it last spring. We spent our spring break in Arkansas last year. Gorgeous place. However, this is Ft. Donelson National Battlefield in Tennessee. That's the Cumberland River on the left.

Monica is working on a Junior Ranger badge as I look on. The kids' bikes and the Scion are attached to the rig, a 31 foot Minnie Winnie.

Our first time out with the rig and we encountered every type of precipitation possible in North America. Day One brought snow and freezing rain. Day Two tacked on small hail, some sleet, and more snow before warming up to a mild rain. The week before spring break, Arkansas had temperatures in the high 70s and low 80s. The week we were there averaged in the low 60s during the day, but near freezing overnight. We had two decent days of weather.

Someday, I'll write about the spots we visited and some of the stupid things I did. We're not quite the Griswolds, but I'm not too far off from Clark after I've been on the road for a bit.

We might be going camping this weekend. We're running out of decent weather and with the holidays approaching, there aren't many weekends left. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

This weekend I will be tactful

When I really concentrate, I can be tactful. But mostly, I'm a fairly dry sarcastic person. While I try to be playful with it, sometimes it must be downright annoying. So this weekend, I'm attempting to be completely tactful.

Millions of jokes and stand-up routines have been written over the years regarding tact. They usually start with a line like this: "My wife says to me, 'Honey, does this dress make me look fat?'" Immediately we recognize an opportunity to crack wise about the dress, the wife, the situation, the punishment for the smart remark. This can be milked for a lot of laughs. In a comedy club, we expect the sarcasm.

But in real life, if a situation like this presents itself, we have a golden opportunity to display tact. How would we do that though? Some would say just keep your mouth shut. That works if the question isn't too important. You can redirect the conversation. You have to be careful with that technique because people will assume the worst if you ignore the question.

Probably the best thing would be to answer honestly and helpfully. Be sincere and be careful about hurting them.

I like lists, so let's do a list. To be tactful, I will:

1) consider my words before I utter them
2) make that tough decision about keeping quiet or speaking
3) bite my tongue when that cutting remark bubbles up from the depths of my cruel mind
4) think about how others are feeling
5) think about how I would want to be treated in a similar situation

So, no shooting from the hip with my first thoughts or opinions. If I see something that irritates me, I'll either keep quiet or calmly explain what is bothering me with an eye toward fixing the problem. I have no desire to upset anyone, so I'll behave accordingly.

Anyone have ideas on how to develop the habit of tact? Anyone else have a problem with sarcasm?

National Family Literacy Day

Read to someone today.

Or ask them to read to you.

Or takes turns reading aloud. (Click on the logo for more ideas.)

I know this is geared toward children, but adults can read to each other, too.

We read Burton Raffel's translation of Beowulf aloud a few years ago. The poem and the story were very powerful. And we weren't required to do it for a class, either. I'm guessing that except for the obvious creature comforts that we enjoy, listening to the story and the effect it had on us was not too unlike what it was like around an evening bonfire.

You could read Dr. Seuss to each other. You know you're supposed to have at least one volume in your home library.

I like to randomly open to a page of Being and Time by Heidegger (or any philosophy or science book) and read a paragraph and then we try to decipher what the author meant. We never figure it out, but we learn a few things and the importance of understanding terms. (I know, I know, this isn't what normally passes for fun in our household.)

If you're going to sit around on the sofa tonight, then read a little, at least for today.

One of many hair metal elegies

Hair and pop metal followed a formula: heavy rhythm, flashy fretwork, high octave vocals, tight pants and big hair. The tune should be catchy, the chorus anthemic (the better to light your lighter and sing along with,) and the guitar solo should be flashy and macho.

After a few years of mining this formula, someone decided to do a song from the heart. Slow it down, play a little acoustic even, and create a ballad. These songs proved to be tremendously popular.

Then there were the hybrid songs. We've done one in this blog already, The Ballad of Jayne by LA Guns. These songs are slower tempo and the lyrics are usually about death or lost love rather than partying or general misbehavior.

Here's another example of the same genre, which coincided with the early 90s "angel" craze. The song is Fly to the Angels, performed by Slaughter (the lead singer's surname) from the album Stick It to Ya (1990) [Yes, I own it, though I haven't been able to track it down lately. Perhaps I lent it out?]

Mark Slaughter has an excellent hair metal voice, able to sing at high range to simulate (stimulate?) emotion. I don't know about you, but I get caught up in the sound and just start singing along. When he sings "...and I drive...down...this lonely lonely road..." it builds up solid tension that is successfully released by the subsequent chorus.

And with heart-tugging lyrics like "heaven awaits your heart and flowers bloom in your name" combined with hard rock sensibilities you have a song that appeals to the masculine and the feminine side, just like Ghost did at the movies. Genius.

Halloween tips to keep you happy

I have found the following Halloween safety tips to be very helpful with my family. Feel free to adapt them to your situation.

1) don't wear heels or strange shoes or accessorize with anything that I'll have to carry,

2) use the bathroom before we leave,

3) don't eat anything until we return home and I've had a chance to rummage through your candy and pick out all the Kit Kats,

4) don't shine the flashlight directly into my eyes,

5) you can run ahead and hide in the bushes, but only if I know about it and you plan on scaring your mother,

6) if you swing that (axe, spear, rifle, sword, morningstar, mace, cudgel) one more time, we're done,

7) and see that house in the picture? Even if the light is on, we are not stopping there.

By following these simple guidelines, our family has had many safe and happy Halloweens.

May yours be happy, too.

Secrets to Happiness: Secret #9

It is a fine line between little kid toilet humor and talking seriously about this next secret. Well, it is for me, cause I get the giggles when I discuss regularity. I can't help it. Whoever I am discussing this with (I know, I know, you're thinking "How often does this come up in conversation?" Not very often), I picture in that most vulnerable of human positions: sitting on the commode.

I told you that I was going to bring the secrets back down a notch after the last few lofty pronouncements. But this one is just as serious and as important as any of them:

Eat fiber

Pretty straightforward, yet many of us, including me, fail to do so adequately. Those of us who know better try to supplement our intake with some pills or a spoonful of psyllium, but that really won't cut it.

Fiber is an effective intestinal scrub. It is a natural way of staying healthy and feeling good. Of course, we can ruin it by overeating fiber, or failing to gradually build up our daily intake of fiber. If you try to load up on fiber immediately, you will not feel happiness. You will feel miserable. Go slow, figure out what you currently take in and slowly build to about 30 grams per day. Drinking enough water is critical when consuming that much fiber, unless your goal is to build an intestinal dam. I found this article (a pdf) from the University of Wisconsin helpful.

There will be secrets upcoming regarding our moods. I believe this secret is intimately related, at least for me it is. Constipation makes me grumpy. Go ahead and laugh. People who know me that read this, will now resort to this cause everytime I snap at them. That's ok. Probably 50% of the time they would be correct.

I'm going to spare you the health claims for eating fiber. They're in the linked article and, as far as it matters to me, I think the long term health benefits are a happy result but they're not the immediate reason. You do it because it is part of the physical foundation for making happiness easier. We don't think too much about hot water or heat or air conditioning or our mode of transportation until these things are unavailable. Our health is pretty much the same way. We take it for granted until we feel discomfort. By having a fiber-filled diet, we're taking steps to ensure that we avoid those feelings.

What is your favorite fiber food? Got a recipe? I love oatmeal cookies. Leave a comment or send an email.

This week's slate of happy tunes

A very short, sweet simple list of tunes this week:

December, 1963 (Oh, What a Night) - Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons

What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

Chelsea Morning - Joni Mitchell

Feel free to discuss what you like or dislike about these songs or to nominate more songs to be added to the Happiness Notebook Mixtape by leaving a comment.

We'll be adding these songs and possibly others on Saturday.

A master at work

This famous painting by Diego Velasquez rests in the Prado in Spain. A little 2D image does not do it justice. It stands 10.5 feet high and is over 9 feet wide. One of my life goals to make the journey to Madrid to see it.

This link to the painting allows you to click on a thumbnail image and open an image viewer to get a closer look. I encourage you to check it out.

Let me briefly cover what I know of the painting as I tell you why it makes me happy.

The guy with the paint brush on the left is Velasquez. He is painting the King and Queen of Spain (who are standing next to us apparently) who you can see in the mirror on the back wall. The little princess, or Infanta, Margarita is the blonde kindergartener in the middle. The girls surrounding her are the Infanta's maidens, who lend their roles to the painting's title, Las Meninas. The royal dog quietly lounges in front of a dwarf lady, who might have been brought in to distract the princess, much like the apple being offered to her.

I think the little girl is supposed to be with her parents, sitting for the painting. Too bad we can't hear a recording of the effort. The begging and pleading to get the stubborn child to move, her refusals, the dog reacting to the kick he's receiving, maybe a stern word from the king or an idle threat from the mother about a punishment that the nurse will carry out.

And through it all, at the top of his game, is Diego V., brush in hand, observing color, proportion, the lighting and the expressions he wishes to capture. Perhaps he is making quick marks on the massive canvas, preparing what he can that would be above the little princess' height. Patient, because he has already painted Margarita so many times that he might consider placing her in the painting from memory. He knows her, this family, royal though they may be, and this environment. He can safely ignore the turmoil. This is why he works for the royal court.

Despite all the political and democratic views this painting is putting on display for us, how can we ignore the simple truth it shows of being completely engrossed in the task at hand?

I think that maybe we're happiest when we aren't thinking about whether or not we're happy.

What do you think about that statement? What about this painting? Let me know which paintings you enjoy.

Dealing with our limitations

I love cookies. In order to enjoy them, I eat them with big glass of...water. If I have them with milk, then I need to take a bunch of lactase pills. Like many people, my body doesn't produce enough of the enzyme and I cannot digest lactose very well.

All of the stuff pictured here is off limits, unless I prepare myself.

But sometimes, I say, "I don't care" knowing that I will suffer within a few hours. I trade immediate pleasure for future pain. And this isn't a gamble either. This is guaranteed future pain. Why do I do that?

Why does anyone do that?

Are we equating the immediate pleasure with happiness?

We do this all the time in our lives. (I am not hectoring or lecturing here, just discussing, because I am as guilty as anyone of this.) We have to watch the game, even though we need to take care of something around the house. We over indulge in food or spirits knowing we will feel terrible later. We skip the chance to play with the kids and then they are grown up. We drive too fast to arrive on time to make up for leaving unnecessarily late. We raise our voices in frustration or anger in a cathartic release of emotion that only transfers our negative feelings to others. We succumb to temptations, knowing the consequences, because of the immediate good feelings they will produce.

Just one more hour at the office, one more drink before bed, one more last word in the argument, one more little fib to get by, one more day of procrastination, one more empty pleasure, one more glass of milk...

and then I'll do the right thing next time. Yeah, sure.

I don't want to feel wrong anymore. I want to feel right. The right thing might not make me feel immediate pleasure. I might not like it at all, but at least I know I'll be a better, stronger, happier person.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments. If you don't want to share them publicly, then feel free to email me.

A sampling of a Happy Halloween home

Here is a view of a section of the dining room, taken from the stairs. That's a lot of gauze. Ralph, our dog, normally sleeps right in front of the breakfront (the piece of furniture below the mirror) but for the party he was staying at doggie daycare (where he had significant playtime with other dogs.)

The dining room chairs were moved to the living room and covered to provide extra seating. I sat in the armed chair to do the Tarot readings. That's also the spot where I sit to do most of my postings. It is private yet keeps me in the action of the family versus being locked away in the office upstairs.

Like most families, we have a coffin in our living room for the holiday. A skeleton holding a beating heart rises from it with red lighting to make even eerier.

That's my cigar chair in the background, though I only use it for reading.

The living room was lit with black flourescents and flickering red lamps.

The flash really detracts from the scarier aspects of the decor. The headstones in front of the hearth (gas logs unfortunately) glowed red around the lettering.

An apothecary table is to the right with a large ghoul flying above it.

The TV rests on the mantle above where The Corpse Bride played for the latter half of the party.


One of the centerpieces of the ridiculous amount of snacks was this human brain. The zombie kids loved it.

This gelatinous lump was made of Jello-O and evaporated milk with a little food coloring to give it that realistic color. Like we would know.

Human brain tastes like peaches by the way.

Jocelyn did a great job with all of this and the kids loved it. There is nothing like a party to test the bonds of matrimony and the power of your innate happiness.

I think we did just fine.

Asking for more songs for the mixtape

It's Sunday, so it's time to ask for nominees for songs to include in the Happiness Mixtape Project.

Leave your nominees in the comments.

The morning after

Our two children, plus 15 others ranging from 10 to 13 years old, plus the occasional parent or two were at our house from 6:50 pm until 10:15 last night.

We had decorated practically every surface of the first floor. One of the ten year olds told my son that we "over decorated." I didn't disagree, but it looked great. Nothing was too cartoony. It was all geared to be mildly creepy.

We made or purchased far too much food.

The kids were in and out of the house. There was an episode where a 5th grader in a Luigi costume (think Mario Bros.) attacked a 7th grader, dressed as Nikki Blonsky from Hairspray, with his plunger. She screamed an 80s horror movie scream and I was sure the local police would be stopping by. (Coincidentally, Luigi won the Funniest Costume award, and Nikki won the Prettiest Costume award.)

We had a couple of contests, including trying to keep an emotionless face while drinking Lemon Drop Dead and Strawberry Slime from Jones Soda. That was good for a lot of laughs. Those drinks were sour.

We did a few Tarot readings, mainly the 5th graders. The 7th graders piled on the furniture and tested the limits of my home theater system with The Corpse Bride. Toward the end of the party they finally took an immense interest in receiving a Tarot reading, but by then it was too late to accommodate them.

Everyone had a great time. They all left with gift coffins and bags of treats.

We finally turned everything off (well, most everything, I was still turning off screaming ghouls outside this morning) and got to bed by midnight or so.

I slept until 7:45. Everyone else slept till nearly 11. It was a good party. Photos coming soon as our lives return to normal.

We'll never do it again.