Sometimes we're human

I was talking to my sister this evening while driving home from my work (I was in my 5-speed sanctuary) and I was lamenting what a sucky week this has been so far at work.

I returned to work, yesterday...my 44th birthday...and discovered a serious mistake that my 43 year old self made at work before the holiday. The mistake cost considerable time on the part of a couple dozen people and involved another company. In some cases, our customers received some shocking information about some of their purchases.

Everything will be fixed this weekend and we'll mop up the debris next week. This was not one of my shining moments. My mistake tore a huge chunk out of the carcass of my credibility. It was a heckuva birthday. For 24 hours, even my self-confidence was shaken. But, you know what I've done since then?

Everything I was doing before. I just made a mistake. I fumbled the snap, threw a wild pitch, missed the open shot. The important thing though, is that I was trying to make something happen.

Risk aversion is not part of my work ethic. Certainly, I try to identify and minimize risk, but I will not refuse to act because the outcome is uncertain, or the plan isn't perfect, or I don't have all the facts.

What is my role at work? I'm an innovator, a designer, a strategist, a process breaker, a solutions provider, a culture changer, and a mistake maker. That last one goes with the territory.

And I wouldn't want any other type of work.

10 Resolutions for 2008 - The H-N Way!

The following resolutions are written in the present tense as affirmations rather than traditional future-oriented resolutions. The contents of each may be currently completely true or untrue or somewhere in between. Please do not assume that the opposite of any of these resolutions is the current truth (though in some cases, it will be.)

1) I care about other people and my experiences with them are positive and pleasant. I like and value the company of others.

(Do you see why I admonish against going with the opposite as the current truth? I don't hate people and I'm not always caustic and unpleasant to be around. I swear.)

2) I routinely set aside judgment and weigh the evidence and the situation before I react. I let my emotions settle before responding.

3) I love to write. I write truthfully. I make people laugh and help them get through their days. My writing improves by writing everyday.

4) I am open and honest with myself about my feelings. I understand them and accept what I feel as normal emotion.

(You might notice that I try to avoid stating a negative. For (4), I could have said, "I don't berate myself for how I emotionally respond to things," or for (2), "I don't respond immediately and emotionally to setbacks and situations." The reason for avoiding the negatives is to avoid stating the behavior that I'm trying to avoid. Avoidingly speaking, that is.)

5) My home is clean and free of clutter. I enjoy living in my house. My things are organized and easy to find. When I am at home, I feel creative and energized.

6) I fit comfortably in all of my clothes and I feel great about how I look. My body is strong and lithe. I eat healthy food and I stay hydrated.

(Yeah, I can hear you chuckling to yourselves over these last two. Compare how they read to a typical resolution: "I resolve to declutter my house and make it a pleasant and energizing place to live" and "I will lose weight and get in shape and eat right." Just saying these things evokes a burdensome feeling. I immediately start thinking about all the ways I have to make these things happen. It feels like chores.

I think that stating them as affirmations, and using them daily or multiple times per day, will lead my subconcious to creative ways of making it so. Repetition of the words will make it ultimately true. Is this naive? I don't think so. I think the traditional resolutions are naive. The implication is that we know how to accomplish our goals. Part of the problem is undoubtedly that we do not know. Sure, we know what to eat and how to exercise, but we don't know how to make it part of our lives other than sheer brute force. That seems like a rather childish and bullying approach to changing oneself.

I'm going to try this more positive, present-tense method instead.)

7) I am a painter. I enjoy working with oils, acrylics and watercolors. I paint whatever interests me and I always finish a painting. My skills improve by painting and drawing every week.

8) I am a member of a large family. I am a good husband, father, brother, son, son-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle, nephew, cousin...and grandfather...

(see? Already the power of resolution (3) kicks in. We'll cover more on this revelation as time goes by.)

9) My work is rewarding and valuable to me. I do what I love and am well-paid for my efforts. I am happy for the successes of others and I look for ways to reward and challenge people.

10) I can read, write, and speak basic Mandarin Chinese. I learn at least one new word each day. I understand the language better each time I use it.

(Wow, that last one just jumped in my head. I think it has to do with the Beijing Olympics.)

Let's hear yours, if you'd like to share.

Happy Resolving Day!

I received the beautiful and heavy 3 volume slipcased Complete Calvin and Hobbes for Christmas. A wonderful gift that will be in my family for a long time. So, in honor of the gift and the day, I chose this panel from among a dozen images for New Year's Day.

While this cartoon doesn't necessarily reflect how most of us feel, it does an excellent job in ridiculing how most of us act. By that I mean that we make resolutions and then we fail to keep them. We act as though we really don't need to change. We act as though we are happy with who we are. If that is so, then why put ourselves through the whole resolution thing anyway?

I've tried resolutions. I don't like them. But, as the dozen or so regular readers know by now, I'm not the best at hitting my commitments (like where the heck is that Frosty story, hmm?) Committing to accomplish things that I'm not really committed to in the first place is just a major energy suck. They drag me down, they sap my creativity.

[Please, don't misunderstand me. I believe that art (whether literature, painting, composition, whatever) is about 1% inspiration and 99% follow through. For example, anyone who thinks that a Mark Rothko or Jackson Pollock painting would be an easy thing to recreate versus, say, a Velazquez, hasn't stood before (or over) a 20' by 25' canvas before. Think about the effort to write and edit a novel, even a short story. The best ideas still need to be kneaded and worked into something viable and beautiful. Of course, there are exceptions. These exceptions take nerve more than effort, such as John Cage's 4'33" or Marcel Duchamp's Fountain. But they are only memorable for their cleverness, not their beauty. Sheesh, how did I get on an essay about art?]

When we think of resolutions, we are thinking of our selves. I can't resolve that Jocelyn will be a better spouse, but I can resolve that I will be. Resolutions are about changes to self. They're tough and I don't think that we respect them or take them seriously (of course, there are exceptions.) Plus, we typically state them as some vague future desire: "This year, I resolve to eat right and excercise more" or "I resolve to get out of debt" or "I resolve to spend more time with my family." I can't bring myself to say these things with any sort of conviction. They seem to be hectoring me to act. I can not tolerate hectoring, especially from myself.

But, I have a solution to this dilemma.

I resolve to write my resolutions as affirmations. That is, I will write ten "resolutions" as present tense statements of fact about myself. The fact that they are not presently true is irrelevant. They are affirmations. They are positive self-talk. By reading them or saying them everyday, I believe they will have more lasting and positive impact on my life than vague promises to myself stated on January 1st.

My next post will contain my new styled resolutions. Laugh at them if you want, but I'm taking this seriously. Or try it yourself. Take your forward looking resolutions and make them present tense. Read each way out loud and see which one makes you feel better and exerts more positive energy.

For those that have stuck with me through a very spotty December, thank you.

Happy New Year!