Spring Break '08 destination confirmed

We have decided that we will head to Phoenix for Spring Break this school year. We are still in the planning stages but we intend to focus mainly on National Park's sites.

Last year, we took the RV to Arkansas and meander through Tennessee on the return trip. The year before that we toured Florida, meandering through Georgia and South Carolina on the return home.

I don't know exactly what our itinerary will be for this trip yet, but if we create one with a general outline of where to be each day, it provides us with enough structure to have a lot of fun.

Things I know we want to do: Petrified Forest, Hubbell Trading Post, Canyon de Chelly, the Four Corners (the image is the marker in the center of the concrete site at the end of a lonely road,) a drive through Monument Valley and, of course, the north and south rims of the Grand Canyon.

But there are so many more places to see: Zion, Arches, Mesa Verde, Canyonlands, Bryce Canyon, Capitol Reefs, Natural Bridges, and so many others. We really wanted to do the new Skywalk in the northwestern area of the Grand Canyon.

If you're interested, I'll post plans as we get closer. Jocelyn lived in AZ for a long time. She's an Arizona State grad. I've only traveled through, never for tourism. This will be everyone's first time to the big hole in the ground except for Jocelyn. She's says that the kids will love this.

Looks like my problem will be in trying not to do too much.

Any tips? Have you been there? I welcome any suggestions.

Six dubbed to the mixtape

There is a reason that it's called a mixtape and this week's additions validate it. What a diverse selection of music: from campy Elvis country (unless you want the JXL remix, Aimee) to large gospel choir to the poppy punk sounds of the early days of The Police.

Here they are with 30 second samples:

Elvis Presley - A Little Less Conversation (as noted, remixed by Junkie XL and shot to #1 around the world...this is the original version for the Elvis movie Live a Little, Love a Little...song co-written by Mac Davis)

The Monkees - I'm a Believer (you probably know this, but Neil Diamond wrote this tune)

The Police - Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Edwin Hawkins Singers - Oh Happy Day (it took a while to find a clip of the original version that was in the uplifting choral part of the song...when the alto soloist sings, the song is quite slow, with the chorus building tension in the background by repeating the title, then when they take the lead...well, you hear it in the clip...just makes me feel great...[remember, I am not a believer, well, maybe in The Monkees' sense of the phrase...this is very confusing...I like the song but not for religious reasons])

Cheap Trick - I Want You to Want Me (the live version from Live at Budokan is the only acceptable form of this song)

Tom Jones - What's New Pussycat? (a Burt Bacharach/Hal David campy classic written for Woody Allen's movie of the same name...I dare you not to laugh)

You might have noticed I dropped R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly from the list. While it is certainly a great song, and uplifting, I couldn't find a clip that demonstrated that. When I combined that with my inner voice telling me that he just wasn't fitting, I decided to drop it.

Big holiday week in the USA coming up, but we're still doing the mixtape. I'll be asking for new suggestions tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone who braved the process and put forth a song or two. I'm still mildly disturbed by the subject matter of my little sister's nominations. Oh, well, that is my problem. I'll work it out.

Please consider subscribing to the Happiness Notebook. It's free and easy to do. I post just about every day and while I don't offer sage advice, I do offer...ah...uhm...my writing...? With the exception of the shirtless Tom Jones photo from this past Wednesday, nothing here should be too rough for kids.

This weekend I will be humble

I don't really agree with this sentiment. Otherwise, why talk about it? Is it only for those of us who are not humble to identify those persons that are? Clever though it is, it isn't really accurate.

Humble people are the ones who learn from their flubs. Experience teaches the humble. The arrogant are the ones who repeat their errors and never acknowledge the lesson.

The humble see ability and value in most anyone. Even in the boastful they see an example of how not to behave.

The humble know what they can and can't do. They don't concern themselves with comparing their skills and knowledge with others. Being best isn't their goal. Achieving personal bests are their goals. They never treat their personal bests as something that should impress anyone.

The humble don't compare themselves with others. They might judge on the basis of right and wrong and they might even raise that as an issue with someone, but they aren't doing it because they feel like a better person.

Being humble doesn't mean being humiliated. It doesn't mean that you don't defend yourself. It doesn't mean that you automatically trust everyone.

The humble person can't be humiliated because they own up to their mistakes. They admit their shortcomings. The humble person will still stand up for what they believe to be right, but where it is just a matter of preference or opinion, they will let you have your own without a struggle. The humble person realizes they aren't superior to anyone, just different. However, they do evaluate a person's trustworthiness and act accordingly.

This weekend, I will be try to be humble. I will try to learn from my mistakes. I will not try to impress or boast. I will be admit my mistakes and be responsible.

I'm almost afraid to tell you that I did pretty well at friendliness last weekend, striking up a few conversations with complete strangers. I'm not bragging, just relaying the news.

Secrets to Happiness: Secret #12

(Image from 3datelier.com)

Well, the not-so-secret Secret #11 was all about taking a nonjudgmental evaluation of your feelings or mood. Good or bad, we are supposed to take time out from our day--minute or seconds--and honestly name our feelings.

Example: I am feeling restless, bored, yet oddly energetic and optimistic.

So, now that we've given words to our emotions, we're ready for the next secret:

Analyze your mood

That is, ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Once again, you'll need to put on your observer hat. You'll need to be tough and open and honest and non-judgmental with yourself.

Now, if you're feeling good, this probably isn't a big deal. Say you had a great lunch conversation where everyone was laughing and having a fun time...you're sitting there feeling happy and relaxed. Could it be because you enjoyed your lunch time? You have super friends. You felt at ease with them and all that laughing seem to dissipate your stress. Easy analysis there.

(If you said you were happy because some self-serving jerk got his comeuppance, then, while you might feel pretty good, you probably should do some serious thinking on why you do.)

When we feel sad, angry, lonely, or stressed, that's a different story. Here is an opportunity to learn a little about ourselves. The tough part here is determining the actual cause of your feelings from the possible perceived causes.

For example, if our pet rat had died this week, Monica would be justifiably sad. We all would be. That's natural and it wouldn't take much to figure it out. But what if Monica were sad because a friend hung up on her while they were talking on the phone? What if she felt anger at her friend for such rude behavior?

But what if it was a case of just being disconnected? Maybe the battery died on her friend's phone. Maybe the friend's parent hung up the phone because they had told her to hang up earlier. Why would we jump to the conclusion that rude behavior occurred if there didn't seem to be a reason for it?

Another example: What if you're stressed because you promised to have some work done by a certain time and it looks like that won't happen? You don't want to be a failure. You don't want people to think poorly of you. You're so stupid. You could've stayed late the last two nights to make sure this was completed. You could have foreseen the delays. You know you're boss will be upset. You might not get a good review and a decent raise. This failure is going to haunt you for a long time. Why did you promise it would be done by that time?

Ahem...your stress, in this case, is probably all generated in your head. Unless people are losing there jobs regularly over this sort of event, you're blowing this way out of proportion and you're unduly beating yourself up over it. If people are losing their jobs because of this sort of thing, then you might think about a new place to work anyway. Doesn't sound healthy.

If you analyze your mood, you'll discover that you are probably dreading accepting the responsibility for the delay. You're fearing that you won't be understood when you explain the delay and your plan to complete the work. You're assuming that you will be judged solely on this one incident and that it will override all consideration for all of the great work you do. In other words, you really are being pretty foolish, only about how you are perceiving the situation and how you are letting it affect your mood.

It's tough to sort through our negative emotions and figure out why we are having them. I found a site that provides a list of the top ten "thought distortions" that will help you see if the problem is with how you're thinking versus what actually happened.

I have irrational moods every day when I see my subscriber list either dwindle or remain static. Thanks to those that are current subscribers. Please consider subscribing to the Happiness Notebook. It's free and it'll make irrationally happy.

I do it for more than just the Fig Newtons

Although, receiving a pack of Fig Newtons is a huge benefit.

My blood type is O+, which is pretty close to being a universal donor. WebMD has a good description of blood types and what causes a transfusion reaction.

Every 8 weeks, Virginia Blood Services stops by the offices where I work. I try to donate every time they are here. It's easy.

I know some folks are afraid of needles. That's ok to be bothered by them, but don't let that stop you from donating.

Or attempting to donate. The phlebotomists (the people who are drawing the blood from the donors) screen you. You privately answer questions about yourself--they seem very interested in potential exposure to mad cow disease--and there is a simple test for your blood's iron content. I'm always amazed at the number of people turned away because of a lack of iron.

If all of that checks out, then you do like the cartoon shows here. They lay you back in a comfortable chaise lounge looking donation chair and you are subjected to a tiny pinprick. About 8 to 10 minutes later, you've donated a pint of blood.

After they remove the needle and tape some gauze to your arm, you get to grab some goodies. Water, juices, and clear sodas from the cooler and peanuts, granola bars, pretzels, and Fig Newtons from the snacks. I love Fig Newtons.

But that isn't why I donate.

When my son, Alex, was born back in 1989, his mother hemorrhaged a great deal during the C-section. I was there. I saw it happen. I watched her faint. They used 8 units of whole blood before they kicked me out of the room. (I got to spend quality time with Alex. Everyone was being very nice to dad and the baby.)

EDIT: Just to clarify, Alex's mother was indeed my wife at the time.

I had given blood before that time, but after that point, I gave regularly. If that blood hadn't been available, thanks to generous donors, Alex's mom would not have survived.

I think about that every time I donate. If you donate, thank you. If you don't, please consider it.

Here are some facts from Virginia Blood Services.

Waking on a dream; a poem's evolution

Emily Dickinson wrote the following poem:

Let me not mar that perfect dream
By an auroral stain,
But so adjust my daily night
That it will come again.

Thirty years later, Henry James recorded the following piece in his journal:

Oh, wretched Eos, shine not your rosy-fingered light,

caused by clouds hovering over the eastern harbor,

in such a manner that my dream, my perfect

--insofar as a dream can be called perfect,

as my sleepy fantasies do not have a realistic conformity

and only the real, the waking harming beautifully dangerous real

can be considered perfect--

dream is ruined, erased, devoid of its misty imagery,

sharp-edged and soft-focused simultaneously

like the ephemeral borders of a Brady daguerrotype,

Oh, sweet Hypnos, hear my unvoiced supplication

--unvoiced because I still drift in and out of your kingdom,

in that foggy mystical time when thoughts are more voluminous than shouts

and genius emanates from the tips of all my nerves--

to allow my return to,

like I had purchased a round trip ticket on a particularly punctual train,

to place me in possession of,

this exact same location

in this forgotten-during-the-daylight-hours dream.

Thirty years after this, Ernest Hemingway wrote the following on a cocktail napkin at Sloppy Joe's:

This fine dream is ruined

Because I didn't pull the curtain,

Would a repeat of last night's debauch

Bring it back for certain?

Thirty years later, Dylan Thomas etched these words in a sticky coffee stain:

I boiled and seethed at the rising of the light

My dream scattered like flakes of ash on a tradewind breeze

How I regret waking and living a new day

Missing this vision that I might never re-seize.

About thirty years after this, a group of men who would go on to form The Wiggles wrote this:

You dreamt your dreamy dream

But now it's time to wake up and move

Eat, brush, comb, dress, you're doing

the Getting Ready for School Groove.

Are poems really a reflection of their times?

(image is "Early Morning Light" a painting by Aldo Luongo.)

Good size slate for the mixtape

Quite a few suggestions for the Happiness Mixtape Project have come in from loyal readers:

A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley

I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police

What's New Pussycat? - Tom Jones

I'm a Believer - The Monkees

Oh, Happy Day - Edwin Hawkins Singers

I Believe I Can Fly - R Kelly

My deepest apologies for this photo, it is the only one I could find that captures the essence of the Welsh crooner. Please refrain from throwing your undergarments at the screen.

Do all of these songs belong on the mixtape? Leave your opinions in the comments.

Date night dilemma - a cry for help

Jocelyn and I need to go out. Alone.

She and I need to unwind. Alone.

But I'm not sure what to do. While we both like movies, we don't want that to be our date night.

And we're not dancers, despite the image (the one on the left, not my personal image.)

She asked Lori, the woman who styles our hair, who is also very knowledgeable about restaurants, night life, and happenings in the area. She recommended a jazz bar in the Shockoe Bottom area of town. We'll see.

I checked a couple of websites. These tips made sense, especially the one about entertainment that requires facing in the same direction.

The plethora of suggestions at Redbook were definitely geared to the female. I'm not doing Numbers 8 or 15, though 7 looked good if the night was warm. The suggestions are not all that wonderful for the most part, but they are really meant to get your own creativity flowing.

Over at lovingyou.com they have a large collection of articles divided into 'staying home' and 'going out'. We want the going out choices. Staying home, in a house with our floor plan means no privacy at all.

Our best "dates" are when I stay home during a school day. We can talk about any topic, we can go have lunch at a decent restaurant and we can behave like honeymooners (people that just married each other, not Ralph and Alice Kramden.)

But we need an evening out. A break from the monotony of returning from work, dinner, homework help, prepping the kids for bed, idle chit chat, a little reading and falling asleep.

Suggestions? The problem with a jazz bar for me is that it will be smoky and it violates the entertainment rule of not facing each other when out on a date.

Hair in the age of excess

One of the greatest hair metal songs of all time is nearly done in by one of the worst videos of all time.

David Coverdale, the leader and lead singer of Whitesnake, co-wrote almost the entire album with the lead guitarist, John Sykes, who would in turn lead the band, Blue Murder. Notice that John Sykes, nor any other member of the band is given any facial closeups during the course of the video.

In fact, other than Coverdale, the only person prominently featured is his wife (from 89 to 91, at least) Tawny Kitaen.

The full moon background, the black silhouette of Coverdale leaning back, the pointless parading of Kitaen, all make for a ridiculous video that serves as a statement of all that is hair. Even the short sequence showing the guitarist using a bow is silly. That is not real folks. I wonder how many kids went to the guitar shop looking for cello bows after seeing this.

But none of this absurdity should take away one bit from the power of this incredible Led Zeppelin-inspired tune. Close your eyes if you have to, but there is hardly a better example of 80s pop metal than Still of the Night, from the non-debut, yet eponymous album by Whitesnake. In Europe it was called 1987, named after the year of its release. (And yes, I own it.)

Enjoy. It runs over six minutes. And let me know how much you liked Here I Go Again so much better in the comments.

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Suzzie the Rat

There she is. The beady-eyed little sweetie. Not you, Monica, I mean the rat.

This is my daughter's pet rat, Suzzie. She is two years old. That makes her about 60 in human years. The photo was taken when she was much younger.

Suzzie is kind of chubby rat with graying hair now. Her energy level isn't quite what it used to be. She moves slower, seems less impulsive, and this gives her the appearance of being a wise old rat.

Maybe that's all wisdom is: keeping quiet until you've had a chance to think about it, whatever it is.

Suzzie doesn't leap up to the top story of her 3-story apartment anymore. She waddles up the ramps and will only climb to the top if there is the promise of food. Speaking of food, she expects to be fed, by Monica, or Jocelyn, or both if she can convince them, each evening around 9 or 10 p.m.

Last night she had to go without food because this morning Suzzie had surgery. She has a touch of breast cancer and the veterinarian is removing a tumor today. We'll get Suzzie back later today, a little drowsy, with a shaved spot and some stitches.

Despite being a rat--I purposely didn't show a photo that displayed her hairless tail, the attribute that normally bothers people--Suzzie is a pet. She interacts with everyone in the family. She likes sitting on your shoulder or being cradled in your arms. She will come when called. And she likes tiny bits of bread and cheese, though we keep her on a pretty strict "rat food" diet.

With some luck (and maybe another surgery if any tumors come back) Suzzie should live another year. We knew that when we bought her that we wouldn't have her for long, but she has been a source of enjoyment for us. She's led a pretty good life.

If you want a pet that is intelligent, clean, easy to maintain, and fun to have, I can't recommend a rat highly enough. Just be careful if you get a male and a female...they can start breeding at five weeks old and the gestation period is about five weeks. And the typical litter size is about a dozen. You can wind up with a lot of rats very quickly. I don't recommend that.

Let me know about your pet, exotic or mundane, in the comments.

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Secrets to Happiness: Secret #11

This secret is part of a duo. We really need the other secret to make it most effective, but it will still work pretty well on its own.

Identify your emotions

This is tough for most people, myself included, especially if you haven't made a habit of doing it.

Don't run out and buy any "mood" jewelry. Those are just fancy thermometers. In the summer you are likely to be "happy" or "relaxed" while in winter (if you live in a cold climate) you'll be "tense" or in some nervous negative mood.

To do this right, you're going to have to step back from yourself and be the scientific, dispassionate observer, the clinician. When you are in the middle of an intense feeling, like anger, frustration, elation, and such, you probably aren't thinking about identifying your mood. That's fine for now.

Let's try this instead. For the next few days, identify your emotions at the following times: when you wake up, during lunch, at 5 p.m., and before you go to bed. Do NOT attempt to figure out the reason for your mood. Don't blame anything good or bad at this point. Just give your emotion or mood a name.

It's like developing a vocabulary for identifying flavors. Not too easy at first.

How does this help with happiness? Well, the purpose of happiness is to enjoy life, to live life. I believe that too truly deeply enjoy something you have to be able to put into words how you sense it. Emotions are the indicators of the harmonics of life and us.

I did say that at least one other secret is necessary for this one to be even more valuable. We'll get to that today or tomorrow. The important thing for now is to step back, take a different perspective--pretend you are observing yourself from a secret observation spot--and honestly name your feelings.

Here are a couple that are tough to name, because we don't want to feel bad about ourselves:

1) envy - which I think is the worst of the seven deadly sins, yet I struggle with this emotion a lot. I don't want to feel envy, but I do. Identifying it when I do, takes away much of its power and gives me a chance to honestly examine myself (but now I'm hinting at the next secret...)

2) humble - it would be easy to say "pride" here, but I think recognizing when we are feeling humble is tough for a couple of reasons. First, the act of calling one's mood "humble" feels like an act of pride. Remember, be dispassionate. You are merely stating an observational fact. Second, we usually are able to identify "humble" when we have suffered some injury to our pride. I would argue that we aren't feeling "humble" at that point. That is probably "embarrassed" more than anything. They are two separate feelings.

So, after you read this, try it on yourself immediately and post your observation in the comments.

For example, I am feeling apprehensive, mildly frustrated, and a small amount of dread right now. That will change immediately after I post this to a mood concerning preparing for work, that I can't identify yet (because I am not feeling it yet.)

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Another mixtape solicitation

It is that time again. We added two songs yesterday. We're looking for nominees.

Remember: I need a song and an artist specified.

Leave your selections in the comments.