A song you won't remember - Cinderella by Firefall

Here we have a song from my tween years, by Firefall called Cinderella. This is soft rock mixed with pop country. Not really my thing, but I always enjoyed Firefall. Their lyrics stood out for me, especially with this song.

We're told of a young girl who falls for the narrator, a man who disdains her so-called love, yet is still willing to have sex. She gets pregnant and he gets angry, mainly over finances, and sends her away. There is plenty of understated irony here. The notion that she doesn't know what love is, yet this shallow guy does? When he finds she's pregnant, he seems worried about how he'll get the Camaro running and repainted with a kid around.

After a musical bridge, with a lot of "no no no" repetition where the singer/narrator seems to be trying to convince himself that he was in the right, we come to the final verse. Here we discover an older man contemplating possible regret, maybe even remorse or guilt over having abandoned a young woman and his son. Somehow he finds a way to rationalize his wrong by blaming her for not leaving sooner.

The oddly soothing synthesizers, harmonica, and guitars belie the lyrical content of this song. But it works without being a cringing country message song or an intentionally misogynistic pop tune.

It is one of my favorite songs of the '70s and it takes me back to a time that I thought would always be filled with regret for me. Things change. Things are what they are. What is important is how we respond to them. We have to forgive ourselves especially if we want to be forgiven.

Cinderella could have left earlier but she didn't. The man could have kept them all together but he didn't. The boy might or might not have had a happy childhood. None of those decisions can be reversed.

The question is: what are we going to do now? The present decisions are the important ones.

100 - Do the taxes without filing for an extension

It has happened every year for the last 18 years. April 15th (or whatever day is Tax Day for a given year) rolls around and I sit down to do what I have put off since late January when the W-2s arrived: I fill out the filing extension form and mail it in.

Then I fret about doing the taxes for the next three to six months. The undone paperwork stays in the back of my mind, gnawing at my happiness and for nearly two decades I've attacked it with the poorest weapon in my arsenal: I procrastinate.

This is simply stupid on my part. I need to get the taxes done, the sooner the better. If I owe, I can put off filing until the last day, but otherwise, just do them.

That's why, task number 100 on my 101 Things in 1,001 Days is doing the taxes without filing for an extension each year. Even on this list I nearly put this task off until the end.

And this year, I did them. I did my taxes with two weeks to go. They took me a long time to do because of some interesting income from 2007, but I got them finished.

Next year's will be even tougher, especially if we move. Even if I have to hire an accountant, I'm still taking credit for completing this task.

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you make yourself do it?

Where have you been?

Geez, I turn my head for just a moment and over a month goes by. What happened?

Well, I accomplished one of my 101 Things in 1,001 Days. I did my taxes, on time, without an extension. I haven't done that since...1990. Yes, it has been 18 years since I did taxes without filing an extension. And this was one of my more complicated years. It took me about six or seven hours to get them done. I have a real mental block when it comes to taxes. I'm not a fan of paying them, but to be forced to report them and my exemptions and my deductions and it just gets to me that we're required by law to do this. There must be a better way.

I'll add the task to the list on the right. It feels good not to have that burden hanging over my head for the next few months. (And if you think I am putting off a monster refund, I am not. I try to plan my taxes so that I have either a very small refund or a very small payment due. This year it was a medium sized payment due, but it was offset by a state tax refund, so we were pretty happy.)

I never told you that Monica received 2nd place in the Science Fair for her project on hydrogen fuel cell efficiency and the challenges surrounding that technology. She did a great job. Once she figured out the scientific principles, she really connected with the project. Her science teachers loved it.

We're exploring a possible move, too. Things are very busy here. If you're looking for a reasonably priced modest 4 bedroom brick two-story transitional, with an acre or two of wooded lot and a fenced backyard, let me know.

I've yet to see a wrist specialist, because I've been seeing a sleep specialist. I'll post more on that later, but getting a good night's sleep seems like a fairly important activity.

So, I'm writing this post basically to do a quick catch-up, in an effort to restart this blog. Winter has never really been fun for me. That's something I need to improve. I'll have to work it into the list.

Anyway, welcome back, even though you haven't been gone at all.

Abbreviated Spring Break trip this year

We won't be going to Arizona as we planned, nor even to Florida or Georgia this Spring Break. We have had too many things happen recently to enjoy this trip. We also have too many things to do at home, that we have neglected for far too long, to spend a week away. We might take a few days and go to Charleston, SC. We'll see.

Ralph is walking, albeit on three legs. Suzzie died last week.

Happiness isn't some outcome when everything is going great.

Happiness is the context of how we interpret and respond to life's moments.

We care for Ralph and carry him where he needs to go and nurse him back to health.

We keep Suzzie comfortable as her life ends. We hold our children and cry along with them when we lose her.

We call our friends and family and listen with our empathy and sympathy to their own tragedies and conflicts. (A friend recently lost her mother and is now undergoing another major life change. My older children are all in various states of health or wealth flux. A cousin was just diagnosed with a life changing illness. My sister balances professional and home life with two young children while her spouse is rehabbing from a surgery. Life never seems "normal," does it?)

Happy people not only embrace the good and the pleasant, they endure the bad and the difficult. We understand that both are required. Strength comes from love and support of each other. Sadness is not despair.

Life's hurts and losses deepen our understanding and appreciation of life's blessings and pleasures.

We become happier, on a much deeper level, because we have endured.

Visualizing the ordinary

But if ever a magazine could capture that, then this is it. This photo was taken by a contributor, Jeremy Stockwell (who had two photos published in this first issue.)

Life Images is basically a large photo album with short text (no more than 450 words) attached. The photography isn't too artsy and the images are just beyond ordinary. Pick this one up now, because the Spring Issue comes out in April. The cover price is $14.99.

Leafing through it is a calming experience, grounding us in the everyday. The sky, water, flowers, feet, birds, faces, hands, shadows, and myriad things of life's routine captured in still images with bits of text in the form of quotes, poems, raw emotions, false affectations, or simple explanations turn out, in aggregate, to be far more powerful than I anticipated. The tag line for the magazine is "A collection of captured moments and inspired journaling." That says it pretty well. I like it and recommend it.

I think we could all use a little ordinary some of the time.

The Secrets to Happiness: Secret #17

Do you like chocolate? Cheese? Go get a piece of your favorite. Put it in your mouth. Chew. Don't swallow. Let it coat your tongue. Taste it. Enjoy it. Experience it.

Do you like baked goods? Go to a bakery. Before ordering anything, take a deep breath. Experience the smells of the bakery. The dough, yeast, wheat. Let it fill your nostrils. Buy something warm. Tear it open and inhale. Smell it. Enjoy it. Experience it.

Do the same thing with a favorite song or piece of music. Don't go to the next song or work. Listen and then keep quiet. Enjoy the sound and the memory of the sound. Feel the tingle caused by the voice or the music. (I loved listening to my maternal grandmother talk to my father in the morning over coffee while I laid in bed in another room.)

Pet an animal or hold a loved one. Feel the skin or fur and the warmth, the heartbeat, the respiration. Hold it gently and think about how lucky we are to have another in our life that allows for this intimacy.

Look at something that you find beautiful. Another person, a building, a plant, a view. Take it all in, the color, the lighting, the angles, details. Take pleasure in each aspect.

Or combine two or more senses as you live the not-so-secret secret to happiness:

Savor something (at least once a day)

Slow down and enjoy something each day. Make it a habit.

It's supposed to rain here tomorrow. I'm going to spend 20 minutes savoring the rain.

Oddly, the recorded voice of Lyndon Johnson, former President of the United States, sends me into extreme relaxation, no matter what the topic or his mood. It has a similar effect that Bob Ross has on me.

Tell me about something that you like to savor (I understand that sex or expensive alcohols can fall into this category, and that's fine, but you don't need to share, we'll assume those...) or something that you plan on savoring soon.

Fibrocartilaginous embolism (FCE) and Ralph

I promise that this is not becoming a medical or hypchondriacal blog. The diagram is helpful in explaining the past few days here at our home in Virginia.

A few months ago, I introduced our dog, Ralph (Rafe), who loves to play fetch with any sort of ball.

Tuesday evening, I arrived home from work to see Gabe and Ralph playing fetch in the yard. This is a heartwarming sight. All is right when you come home to this. Or Gabe is avoiding his homework. Just as I exited the car, Ralph lets out a painful yelp. We run to him. He is unable to move his rear legs.

We take him to the pet emergency room. We're told that Ralph has either a slipped disc, an FCE, damage from trauma, or an infection or tumor. He suffered no trauma. He was running and turning when it happened. He spent the night at the emergency center.

Jocelyn and I transferred him to a hospital early the next morning. After another evaluation and the same set of possibilities, we agreed to a myelogram to see if he had a bulging disc and would need surgery. The results came back around six pm on Wednesday. No slipped disc. It was probably FCE, but his spinal fluid was cloudy and yellow. They wanted to test for cancer.

We took the kids to see Ralph that evening. He was still recovering from the general anesthesia and look awful. Much crying ensued.

The next morning, I went to work. As I arrived, we received another call. Ralph looked to have a FCE. This was good news. If he had cancer, we did not intend on putting him through surgery and chemotherapy. His paralysis was suffering enough.

Ralph was discharged from the hospital yesterday. He is at home now. He has, they say, and FCE. This means that some of the pulpy substance in the center of one of his discs has penetrated the blood vessels surrounding his spine. That blocks the blood supply to the spine and leads to the paralysis.

Now that he is home, we're continuing to give him steroids to reduce the swelling around the injury. We're also performing physical therapy on him for ten minutes a session, six times per day. We move his legs through their full range of motion. The steroids and the stimulation should help the body build capillaries to bypass the blockage. When that happens, we'll see some signs of recovery.

We also have to feed him, make sure he drinks water, and I carry him outside for elimination. We have to keep him clean and groomed throughout this. I also turn him periodically so that he doesn't develop any bedsores.

It will be a couple of weeks before we see real improvement. If he fully recovers, it could take months.

Not that it is so important anymore, but Spring Break 2008 has been canceled for us. We'll be staying home and taking care of Ralph. Should he recover some mobility, we might take a day trip here or there.

Anyone been through this? I'd like to hear some uplifting stories. Thanks.

March, 2008: 101 in 1,001 update

Click on the newspaper to get a better look at the official March update.

030 - See a doctor about my wrist

There are times when I just have to admit that I'm stupid. I'm not talking about willful stupidity. Rather I mean true idiocy. I'm 44 years old and wisdom is still beyond my horizon.

Let's go back 12 or so years. I lived in Seattle at the time. I don't remember if Monica was born yet. Jocelyn might have been pregnant. For some forgotten reason, I was terribly frustrated, so I did what any stupid man would do in that situation. I took out my frustration on an inanimate object.

A smart person would have slugged a pillow or gone for a run. A wise person would have shrugged off the annoyance and gotten on with what is important in life. I punched a piece of furniture. The top of drawer of our chest of drawers to be exact. I hit it hard. The pain shocked some wisdom into me. (Though I have struck one more inanimate object since that time. Over the dog's behavior no less. But this post isn't about anger issues. Though that punch, about four years ago, certainly didn't help the present situation.)

After a few weeks of dull pain, I went to the doctor. From there I saw a hand specialist. By now I had a ganglion cyst on the back of my wrist. They're fairly common and mostly harmless. The hand specialist dismissed it as a simple cyst and said it would go away with time. A lot of money was spent for nothing. I had one x-ray and no MRI. To confirm my stupidity, though, I failed to mention that I punched a thick piece of wooden furniture.

Since that time, I have had a series of ganglion cysts that come and go. My wrist has been getting weaker, too. I'm right handed and I have trouble opening things with that hand. I have to open jars with the left. My wrist is losing flexibility. It cannot support my weight for push ups. I fear it will fail me when I do bench presses. I have to hold it at a certain angle to prevent sharp pain. It's also a very noisy joint (crepitation it's called when the joint pops or grinds when moved.)

So, of course, being supremely stupid, I've done what most guys do. I've lived with it.

But, as we shall see on this list of 101 things in 1,001 days, I want to return to a weightlifting routine. I'd like to do that without pain.

So, I've made an appointment in March to see my doctor, who I last saw at a checkup last year (where I stupidly failed to mention my wrist.)

Looking at the diagram, I believe that my injury is on the radioscaphoidcapitate ligament and the capitate and possibly the lunate bones are affected. The injury also causes problems (pain) all way across the wrist away from the thumb. This is why I think the lunate is involved. Things are either being pushed around by excess fluids, thus the cysts when I actively use my wrist for exercising or sports. Or things aren't in decent formation due to a weakened or injured ligament or a roughed up bone, which would explain the noise and the pain.

I'll post an update when I know. I'm just hoping that I don't have arthritis.

Anyone out there have a ganglion cyst that causing them trouble? What did you do about it?

093 - Organize all photos, digital and prints

In the good old days, we picked up our photos from a remote developer or a photo shop. They were stacked in an envelope with the dark negatives stored in a shorter pocket inside. We were limited by the size of the film role, usually 24 or 36, though we could sometimes squeeze an extra shot or two out of it.

Most of us--the normal ones, anyway--ripped open the envelope and rifled through the pictures. "Look at this one," was a pretty common phrase along with the variation: "Check this out." Then we put the envelopes full of photos in a shoebox with a promise to ourselves that we would have to load these things into a photo album.

Ahem...

Maybe I just dislike buying photo albums.

Then there is the situation such as the one at my parent's house. They have tons of old photos, most of them haphazardly stored in boxes, mixed like so much soil and gravel. A vein of their early years of marriage can be found, like a layer of sediment, only to abruptly end and a mix of color photos from Christmas in 1971 and my sister's junior high days in the 1980s dominates. You can sense there was once a rhyme and reason for the contents but it has long since been lost to browsers who were not privy to the system.

Not to fear, technology has created a wonderful cure: digital photos. Now we're only limited by the size of our storage cards or the memory on our cameras. We can review photos instantly, discard those we don't like, only keep the good ones, experiment with poses and angles and lighting and effects. Life is good.

Except now we have more photos than ever. And they're all over our virtual worlds. In fact, they might be more disorganized than the printed photos. If we don't have them stored somewhere besides our primary disk drive, we run the risk of losing them all...permanently.

Photos have never been more disorganized, unsafe, and plentiful as they are now. While technology is an enabler of this situation, it is also the savior. We can digitize everything. We can infinitely copy (assuming available storage) each photo.

Thus, task #093 on the 101 Things in 1,001 Days: organize all photos. Jocelyn and I will undoubtedly share this task. I'd like to organize all of our digital photos, digitize all of our old print photos, and archive (either online or to DVD or both) all of them.

This is a big task. Have you done this? Or are you one of those people that keeps everything nice and tidy?

I need tips, pointers, and lessons learned.

Twitter and tumblr

Two things (that are new for me) that I've been experimenting with are twitter and tumblr. First, I'll explain what they are, then why I'm even bothering, and why you might like to try them.

Twitter is for microblogging. Messages are text only and are limited to 140 characters. The "tweets" or twitter entries can be made via the site, sending text from a mobile device (like your cell phone) or via instant messenger.

People can sign up to follow you on twitter. When you post, they receive updates automatically. Sounds like a bit of overkill when it comes to keeping up with someone, but I can see how this could be useful when trying to coordinate a group and needing to broadcast information to multiple people (and receiving it from those people, also.)

I'm not worried about followers. I like twitter for it's quick notetaking aspect. I can text myself basically with any sort of feeling or observation. I have no worries about being verbose with a 140 character limit. These little notes help trigger memories without the seriousness of a journal or diary.

I've added twitter to the Happiness Notebook, where I've cleverly called it "a glimpse behind the curtain" and I removed the link to twitter. You can go to twitter and try it for yourself. You really don't want to receive a text message from me that says that "I'm at work on a Sunday."

If you do decide to follow anyone, twitter does provide controls so that you aren't inundated with updates or receive them during inconvenient hours.

The other toy I've been playing with is tumblr. This is a site that lets you maintain a "tumblelog" or tlog. Postings on a tlog are short and media driven. Photos, videos, quotes, links, short text entries, audio files, and chats are the types supported by tumblr.

It is exceptionally easy to use. I've created an RSS feed called "Happy Notes" right there on the right of this blog. Click on an entry and you'll be taken to my own tlog, which I intend to make a supportive, complementary, yet standalone version of the H-N. My tweets on twitter also end up on Happy Notes as short text entries. I could also automatically add a link to the tlog everytime I post here.

If you've thought about blogging, but aren't interested in doing all that much writing, then tumblr is a great alternative. Give it a shot and send me the link.

Tell me what you think of these sites and let me know of others like it that you use or prefer.